A lad who was frequently absent and never brought an explanatory note turned up in class after a week away and without a note.
"May I ask why you were away all last week?"
"I got VD miss"
The teacher took the pupil out into the corridor.
"Yes miss. I got it from my mum."
(Aghast, but outwardly calm) "I think we'd better go and speak to the Head"
"It's no big deal miss. Everyone where she works has got it. Vomiting and diarrhea."
There's a bug going round the school where my youngest is year three. They sent an e-letter out saying if your child has vomiting and diarrhea (american spelling back there I think, thanks spellchecker, we had diarrhea in the UK long before you Yanks did) keep them at home for at least two days after it clears up because they are infectious for that long after the symptoms are gone.
Whenever this particularly nasty bug turns up (and of course one takes no chances with these symptoms these days) I manage a gentle chuckle, and you can't get too many of those when you're fostering.
Secret Foster Carer