Sunday, June 16, 2013


Fostering is hard, no argument. Mother's Day and Father's Day, which were no doubt dreamed up with the best will in the world, back in the good old days, when almost every child had a birth mother and father around, are yet another test of our skills.

I seem to remember them as a bit of a test when it was just our own children. 

One of my current children has been rejected by her mother, her father has run off. She told me her biggest fear is ever meeting him again, thereby hangs a tale, and a court case. She has two children of her own, by different fathers. The father of the youngest has vanished, the other father refuses to have anything to do with the mother, but looks after their child because she wasn't able to. He brought that child to her for Contact, on Father's Day. The two of them don't speak, she says she's tried to be polite but he won't have it. The child is obviously aware of their hostility, and was treated to another show of it today. On Father's Day.

My other foster child has no father. At least, nobody knows who it is.

When I say it's a test of our skills, what we do is judge whether we can brush it under the carpet, and if we can, we do. We tell our own children not to bother, or even mention it.

I'm sure they notice the TV ads though.

If a child wants to do something we help them , no problem.

The last school we had a child at, they made the class make "Mother's Day" cards on the Friday before. I don't know the in and out of what happened with our child, but the upshot was she came home with a Mother's Day card on which she'd drawn a picture of our dog, who she loved, and wrote underneath it "Happy Mother's Day", and said to me as I looked at it, "It's because she loves me. And I don't love my mummy. Obviously."

So for her "Mother's Day" is a reminder that a dog gives her more than the woman she calls her mother.

Hallmark and Moonpig do lots of cards don't they? I've never seen one for "Happy Foster Carer's Day".

Wouldn't want one actually.

Every day is Foster Carer's Day, as long as you have a sense of humour.

And every day should be Foster Child's Day too, until their book balances out, if that's ever possible.

The Secret Foster Carer


  1. I also foster, three teenage boys. Its been such an experience so far (4 years), I have a partner who is a back-up carer-we manage between us. Newest teen is diagnosed ADHD/Autism, a new experience for us.

  2. The Secret Foster CarerSunday, June 23, 2013

    Keep up the good work harrowwoman. It's often said that a confirmed diagnosis is a help in fostering, it let's you focus. Mind, as a mere simple foster carer and no more than that, I've often found the experts have more expertise in diagnosing than in treatment, and the best treatment isn't what the specialists offer as much as what good fostering can do.
    Very best of luck; keep us posted.

  3. As a foster child, I get my foster carers something for Mother's and Father's Day. Same goes for birthdays and Christmas. I do it as a way of showing my appreciation for all that they have done and continue to do