WHAT SHOULD YOUR FOSTER CHILD MEAN TO YOU?

The most unfathomable question in fostering is; exactly what should your foster child mean to you. With your own children it's a clear relationship, or at least it ought to be. Parenting your own child is the most important thing in life. You love them utterly. You want them to be okay, whatever...

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FOSTERING BREAKS

When the schools are broken up fostering is a different kettle of fish. For foster children everything's "broken". Their home, their school. On a normal school week your brood are got up and out of the house Monday to Friday, with all the usual moans. No problem. From around eight/eight thirty...

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THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

The song says that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. If you mutter; "Humbug' they shout; 'Scrooge!' I don't care; much of it is humbug and for the foster carer it's the most challenging time of the year. First up, did you know that more children are taken into care around Christmas...

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WELLING UP HERE...

There's a ghostly space left in a house when a foster child leaves. There are positives, such as the 'Job Done' thing - fostering is all about helping a child go back home and repair a broken family. Then there's the relief of the reduced number of household tasks and responsibilities that go along...

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FOUR IN A BED

It's taken a while to realise why our house likes watching "Four In A Bed". Four In a Bed is a British TV series about a very British thing called Bed N' Breakfast. At least I thought it was very British until I heard about an internet success called something like "Air B and B" (hope I spelled...

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FOSTERING THEORY

I've got two theories of my own, I've never seen them written down in a magazine or a book, I've never even heard anybody mention them, I don't know why - they seem obvious to me. More to the point they are (I think) important, and definitely useful, if they are correct. One of the theories is about...

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GOING HOME

We're in that limbo state where one of our foster children is going home and nobody is quite sure how to play things. Romeo, who's been with us nearly a year - blimey, time flies - is returning to his birth mother and things are speeding up because Christmas is always an issue, not just because...

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FOSTERING AND FAMILY DECISIONS

The kitchen belongs to me. Not very politically correct I know, and I would love to afford a housekeeper but that ain't going to happen anytime soon so in the meantime the kitchen is mine. I got precious yesterday when I discovered  someone had thrown away a J cloth and started a new one before I decided it had reached its sell-by date. I mention this because I was reminded by the J cloth...

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WHITE OR BROWN?

Fostering takes it out of you, no bones about it. Yesterday I was making one of mine their school lunchbox. The Holy Grail of the lunchbox is one which comes home empty. Never happens, not with this particular child. Took me ages to work out why; it's because he was starved at home, used to raid the kitchen bin and hide scraps in his bedroom,  so for security needs to keep some food available...

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WHAT THEY CALL 'THE WAY FORWARD'

We haven't got a conservatory, but I have a liking for rain on the roof when it's dark outside. So some wet evenings I take a glass of wine and sit in the car on the drive with the radio on. I'm "chilling". We used to simply "put our feet up". Then we "took time out". Now we "chillax". So here I am, rain pattering on the car's tin roof, laptop propped on knees, glass of Sainsbury's red precarious...

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LET THEM GO...

Bombshell. You get them in fostering, boring it isn't. Our newest arrival..the one I've called 'Romeo' on the blog? The one whose mum had to decide between him or her latest bloke since her latest bloke was considered a risk? The one whose mum went and chose the bloke? That child. That poor discarded little mite. He's found his groove with us, got a bit of traction on life. He fits in, enjoys...

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FOSTERING AND FLYING THE NEST

We had an interesting one this weekend. One of ours has started going into town and leaving his mobile phone switched off, which means we can't track him. What did parents do before Apps like Find My Phone and Find Friends? We used to sit at home twiddling our thumbs worrying our socks off about where they were and who they were with and what they were doing. Then, suddenly, you get them a mobile...

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LEAST SAID SOONEST MENDED

That song that goes; "Words, 'cos words are all I have.." It's not true.  I've come more and more in fostering to use silences. Not say anything. It's not easy. All day long you feel you have to say something, but if someone wrote the things down it'd sound like a litany of negativeness: "Don't walk in here in your shoes." "Take your bag upstairs don't just leave it there." "Leave your...

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NEW PLACEMENT; LOOKING FORWARD - AND BACK

Our new placement isn’t really ‘new’ any wore. Blimey, where’s the year gone? We find it’s really helpful to look back and try to identify the progress that’s been made. Progress almost always happens but if you’re not careful it’s easy to simply foster in the here and now. Here and now is good of course; it means you’re in touch with the moment and children live in the moment. You have to...

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EATING PROBLEMS

I can't remember exactly when our eating habits at home changed but it's got something to do with fostering. Way back, like most young families, you could knock up a meal and everyone would eat it. Portions would vary according to age, and sometimes someone would have to have beans instead of tomatoes. Tomatoes, if I remember correctly, were about the only really upsetting item for young ones. I...

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