HAPPY HOLIDAYS

When I was a kid there was nothing on the roads on Christmas Day, just other kids on Christmas bikes.

Well, the times, as we all know, are a'changing. Christmas Day is now almost like any other on the roads. Thanks to the breakdown of the nuclear family.

It's not that long ago there was almost no such thing as divorce, breakups or single parents.

Everyone stayed in on Christmas Day and went for a walk after the turkey.

Not nowadays. The roads are busy. And not just with non-believers.

The roads are buzzing with complicated families trying to fulfil their responsibilities to every last member. Step-parents, separated dads, single mums, brothers and sisters who are spending Christmas all over with maternal grandparents and uncles and aunts because their dad doesn't get on with mum's new girlfriend...

Complicated. But if you think family life could hardly get more complicated, try fostering. Especially at Christmas.

We have a fair old situation on our own plate, since you ask. A great foster child.

The child in question wants to be with real mum and dad for Christmas. Wants to be back with them full-time, of course, that's normal in fostering. Mind it takes some getting used to that a child you're fending for day and night would rather be somewhere else...but we get it.

This child's real parents are going at social services to have the child spend Christmas with them, except they aren't together. Haven't been together for a long time, but still spend the occasional night together (which gave the poor children cause for false hope).

The stand-in father (perhaps to his credit) wants the child but can't because;

a) He has a conviction for something relevant.

b) He's not the child's real father, he's the stand-in father. This alone wouldn't stop him having a claim on the child under most circumstances, especially as the child regards him as 'dad'.

However the clincher is;

c) The real father is a member of the stand-in father's family. And the real father has 'issues' with the stand-in father and there is a danger he may show up at the Christmas dinner which the stand-in father has asked to have the child attend.

And also...

The child's mother is in dispute with the child's stand-in father and wants to have the child (for Christmas, but not for life). She has petitioned social services claiming that she's bought a sackful of presents, put up a tree etc etc etc. But there are reasons why she can't have the child;

a) The child has been allegedly assaulted by his mother and a case is pending.

b) The child's mother is believed to be seeing a man who is believed to have drug problems. The man has a warrant out for his arrest and Christmas Day would be a cover for a quick conjugal visit to the mother's house, with the home apparently doing a "normal" Christmas. The mother has sworn to social services that the man will not turn up at all over Christmas, but they cannot afford to believe her. 

c) Social services have reason to believe the mother actually wants to be denied access to the child on Christmas Day to further her case that she is being discriminated against because she lodged a formal complaint against a social worker which is pending.

In other words the mother is demanding the child is delivered to her for Christmas Day but is intentionally or subconsciously loading the case against herself because she doesn't really want the child.

Keeping up...? I have trouble keeping up myself, but on a needs to know basis I need to know. When you're the foster parent you need to know everything so you can do the best for the child.

Of course, all of the above is background noise to our job, which is to filter out what the child needs (and needs to know) to help the child through the period.

And so far so good. The child is getting nicely Christmassy; looking for where we hide presents, joining in discussions such as real tree v fake, budgeting with the money we've made available so the child can buy presents for other family members and members of the child's foster family (us).

It'll be an okay Christmas for the foster children in our house, and that's as fantastic as it gets.

No matter how towering the magic, the poor mites are never far away from remembering where they are and why. It's part of our job to keep up the fun and distractions, from morning to bedtime.

It's also part of our job to enjoy the rewards. 

If you can escort a child through a few days that ought to be the happiest of their lives, but might be the worst if it weren't for their foster parent's efforts, you sleep well that night.

Actually, come to mention it, I've never slept better than since we started fostering.

I'd like to think it's down to a happy conscience, but as I always say when people ask me how I am;

"I'm pleasantly tired."