So, suddenly everyone in the house has gone for making New Year Resolutions.Eldest foster child started the ball rolling, annoucing that I should lose weight, charming.Remarks like that are his trademark way of being affectionate, and now that I understand that the barbs aren't nearly so stinging. He starts every day off with a criticism of me. It might be my outfit that looks dated, or the fridge...
Wednesday, December 29, 2021
Friday, December 24, 2021
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
So, this is almost too touching to bear.My eldest foster child has gone to astonishing lengths to get me the birthday present of my dreams.This much I know because my partner has had to spill several - but not all of - the beans.One of the drawbacks of having your birthday close to Christmas is people's confusion about whether to give a joint present or two separate ones, so the first thing eldest...
Saturday, December 11, 2021
CRACKERS
Every year Blue Sky organise a Christmas lunch for their carers at each of their many offices around the UK.One's heart goes out the agency's head honchos who dutifully attend every single one. On one ocassion one of them had 2 Christmas lunches in one day, so there to the Vicar of Dibley (UK sit com about lady vicar who accepts invites to 3 Xmas lunches on the same day).`I remember trying to...
Wednesday, December 01, 2021
Ho Ho Ho (Not)
Christmas is increasingly a difficult time for the British and not only for the UK's dwindling band of Christians. The Christmas period affects everyone somehow. And very few people are as affected as children in care.One 16 year-old girl who came to us was allowed to go home for Christmas Day. The plan was for us to drive her home on Christmas Eve. We bought her a bunch of gifts, wrapped them,...
Friday, November 19, 2021
YET ANOTHER WAY TO FOSTER
How many and varied are the jobs of the fosterer…Here I sit in an armchair in the hall watching over our recently-operated on dog. She's not meant to lick her wound now that the dressing is off but you try telling her that. She wears a collar at night and takes a sedative but in the day the collar drives her crazy so we take it off and simply keep an eye on her, which is time-consuming, but...
Tuesday, November 16, 2021
THE MISSING EAR BUD
Ged is now proper gone. He was the soon-to-be 18 year old who came to us for a short spell, and part of our fostering brief was to gear him up for the outside world. Only a short time but even the ones who only stay for a weekend stay in your mind for the rest of your life. I’m not sure if it’s the same the other way round and that we fosterers have as big an impact on them as the young people have...
Tuesday, November 09, 2021
A DOG"S LIFE
They say every cloud has a silver lining.Not sure if that's applicable to what's been happening in our house this week, but it's fair to say that oftentimes something good comes out of something bad.Our lovely, gentle, kindly golden retriever dog had an accident. She was 'playing' with a bigger...
Sunday, October 31, 2021
BEING HAMPERED
Had a nice fostering-related surprise this week.Fostering is chock-a-block with nice little surprises.Surprises such as when you bump into a young person in the street you once fostered. On one amazing ocassion there stood this fine upright chappo with his wife at his side and their baby in a pushchair. He was holding down a good job in construction which his family needed him to do as they...
Friday, October 22, 2021
FINDING THE RIGHT MOMENT
Our eldest foster child - not a child at all - is getting ready for the outside world.He leaves fostering any time soon.Ged's smart, in a street-wise way. He's only been with us a couple or three months, but he's still our boy. You have no option but to let them into your life from day one. Seeing him go off alone to face his future alone is emotional.On the surface it seems more emotional for...
Monday, October 18, 2021
"PROMISE NOT TO TELL…?"
One eternal dilemma faces most fostering folk at some point.It's when a foster child says;"I'll tell you something if you promise not to tell anyone."I suspect we face this one often and it's forever tricky as so much depends on so many things, not merely what the child wants to tell.At the crux of the dilemma is this simple fork in the road;If the child's disclosure has to be reported and the...
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
TIME MILLIONAIRES
Phew, had some loaded days just recently my end. It's partly fostering, a job that never sleeps, but also life seems so much busier than I ever remember it. Not for everybody though, it seems.I'll get to the fostering story in a tick, but first; I've just finished reading a newspaper piece about a growing bunch of people who seem to think they're some kind of hero because they've decided...
Thursday, September 30, 2021
BEING AWARE OF LITTLE THINGS
In fostering little things happen all the time, some of them not good. Even though they're little the not so good things can get to you if you're not on top of your own thinking.Life is tiring, fostering can be especially tiring. When tired it hurts more if a child is spiky, you notice negative things more easily. You can also completely miss some positives.We had our Annual Review earlier today,...
Sunday, September 26, 2021
COMMON SENSE AND FOSTERING 2
Someone once wrote;"Common sense is the most evenly distrubuted commodity on earth, because everyone thinks they have the right amount.."Common sense is our best freind in fostering. I've talked about it before.Recently I've been writing up about Ged's journey. He's an older placement, only been with us a short time, who is due to go out into the big wide world any day soon and can't wait.But there...
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
DE-ESCALATION AND ICE CREAM
Middle foster child came downstairs in a strop or as my nan used to put it 'with a right cob on'.He used to be eldest foster child but since the arrival of short-term 17 year old Ged, he's now the middle one.I heard that PG Wodehouse started a short story with the sentence;"It is not difficult to discern the difference between a ray of sunshine and a Scotsman with a grievance."For 'Scotsman"...
Monday, September 06, 2021
BONDING BETWEEN FOSTER CHILDREN
It's always an upheaval when a foster child leaves. The house is quieter, there's less work to be done and those that are left behind in the home have to re-configure.Ged is gearing up to fly the nest; he'll be 18 soon and is hungry to put his childhood behind him and stretch his wings. There are so many positives, but you still have to keep an eye out for impending difficulties.And there is...
Thursday, August 26, 2021
THE SHAPE OF A FOSTERING FAMILY
Perhaps the most impacting thing about fostering is the effect it has on the shape of your household.I'm talking about the shapes the people in your home make between themselves; round the table or sitting in the living room. Time was when people's living room had all the seating facing the fire, the source of warmth and comfort. Then along came the TV and the furniture was re-organised to face...
Friday, August 20, 2021
WHAT WOULD GARY LINEKER DO?
There's been a swathe of friendly arguments in our house about Gary Lineker. For those who don't know he was once a brilliant footballer who's re-invented himself as a brilliant broadcaster/entertainer/pundit/social conscience. Well, that's my view. Others in the house think he's re-invented himself as a big-eared millionaire woke.I annoy the enemy by musing, when faced with a moral choice such as...
Monday, August 16, 2021
TEENAGERS
I've been asked for thoughts about fostering teenagers. I'm no expert, but it is a block around which I have been a good many times, and loved (almost) every minute. So here's a few random ones;* Put up with the fact that they are teenagers. One good way of doing this is to go back over what you were like when you were a teenager. Try to remember the angst, the fears, the frustrations of being...
Thursday, August 05, 2021
REVELATIONS
One of the joys in the first few weeks of a new child arriving is that you get a drip-feed of revealing information from them about themselves and their past history. The revelations help form your way to foster them.It's not so easy with younger ones. They don't have the mental apparatus to share significant experiences, so you have to watch and listen. With older teenagers it's easier. They...