NIGHT TERRORS

 I want to make a little bit of noise about something that's never talked about in fostering, but is commonplace and often problematical.

Ghosts.

Yep, ghosts. I'll say it again so we know what's under discussion here:

Ghosts.

The subject of ghosts first came up in our house when our own children were young. The whole "ghost" thing is so ever-present in childrens' stories, dramas and films. No pantomime is complete without the "He's behind you!" Ghost.

We adults, we know ghosts don't exist (except them men who watch channels about sharks and UFOs).

But cast our minds back to when we were small. Do we not remember being spooked after being put to bed in the dark and hearing strange night-time noises. The noises the average house makes all day long but which are magnified into terrifying at night.

We all got a bit scared. We all worried if it might be…

Ghosts.

So spool forward a generation or two. The supernatural is pandemic in kids entertainment. Time travellers, aliens, superheroes etc form the basis of almost every entertainment. Mind, 'twas ever thus; most fairy tales are all about the wierd.

What happened was this, and it was early doors in my fostering;

A six-year old arrived, we'd put her in our box-bedroom. We hoped that the cosy room would help her sense of security. But a couple of nights in she had a night terror. We were downstairs, she'd been put to bed about 7.30pm. Peace was shattered by urgent screams from upstairs. I raced up. She was standing on her bed bouncing and screaming and pointing at the curtains.

I calmed her down. She nodded off eventually. Next day I diplomatically asked her about the previous night. She replied;

"Ghost."

Ah.

I told my other half about the 'ghost' later that day, loves his sport my other half.

He told me about an Australian cricketer, a great big lug of a proper bloke, who came over to the UK for an Ashes cricket series. They were staying in a converted castle - an alleged haunted house. The owners played on the 'ghost' thing to titillate visitors. Sometime after midnight the team captain heard a knock on his door. Standing in the corridor was the big lug who said;

"Mate, can I kip on your floor? Only I keep hearing ghosts."

Yep, the grown-up macho Aussie was frightened there might be ghosts.

Fear of ghosts is a very real fear of a very unreal thing.

How do we foster parents deal with fear of ghosts?

I'm afraid I can only suggest we manage the aftermath as best we can. Unless…

You can; 

a) Stop the radiators and pipes giving off a gurgle or two. 

b) Stop the wind rattling a window. 

c) Shut up the local fox.

etc etc.

Obviously it's impossible to eliminate every noise that might be a 'ghost'.

So we have to manage the thing. The 'ghost' thing.

It's not just 'ghosts' by the way. Night time is always hard for kids in care with memories of argueing downstairs. Or worse.

I've tried and tested a bunch of strategies, I'm afraid none are game-changers. Here's why:

When kids in their birth homes are in bed in their own home feel frightened or threatened at least they know that mum and dad are downstairs and stand between the child and any danger.

The only success I had dealing with the ghost thing was moving the child's bedroom so that our bedroom was between her door and downstairs.

Her ghost was a man she knew and never told us about, but we learned. 

Horrible person. Far worse than any ghost.