Six weeks into our first Parent and Child placement in 20 years and...
PHEW!
The parent is a mother aged 15, the child is 4 months old.
The mum is a truly lovely young woman. I describe her as a "young woman", though I suppose technically she herself is a child.
My priority as their foster mum is to ensure the safety, wellbeing and positive development of the baby, who is a truly lovely boy.
I have to be on full alert (without appearing to be jumpy or judgemental) `to everything that goes on between the mum and her baby.
I guide the mum towards best practice in everything, not by telling her "Do this" or "Don't do that", but by setting examples so that the mum learns and understands by adopting good techniques.
The psychologist who assesed her back before she came to us submitted an 82 page report, the gist of which is that she should be helped to work things out for herself rather than think of parenting as a set of rules.
I'm pretty sure I knew that consideration before I was given a potted version of the report, and one of the (many) social workers/parenting assessors/health visitors/review officers - the list professionals supporting this mother and baby is pretty long - kindly commented that I seemed to be getting that bit right without any need for coaching.
Example; the baby cries from time to time.
No surprise there.
Initially, the young mum would sit on the sofa with the baby horizontal in her arms and sort of gently bounce him in her arms, talking baby talk;
"Wassamatter little fella?"
"Everything's alright…"
"Wassamatter…?"
Didn't pacify him.
So, I began saying, after a period of unabated crying;
"Shall I have him for a bit, give you a break?"
Staying in the same room as the mother I tried something I remember had soothed each of my sons when they were babes.
I simply stayed stood upright, holding the baby upright, with his head close to my face. I gently wrapped both my arms and hands around him so that he felt secure, and made soothing sounds, the sort he might have heard in the womb, for example; "Shhhhhhhh…" or a gentle resonant "Bedoomp, bedoomp…" (Like the comforting rhythm of a heartbeat).
And I moved slowly and silently around the room, changing the things he could see in order to distract him from his discomfort.
Whether it was the fact of being up high, or the swaddling in my arms, or the sounds I made right next to his ear…
Something worked, and he would stop crying in seconds.
My next job is to help the young mum watch and try to understand not merely that there is a way to soothe her baby, but that with parenting you're ALWAYS on the lookout for techniques that get results. You've got to keep exploring solutions to find the ones that work.
What's good for Petronella isn't necessarily good for Paula.