Meet the Secret Foster Carer


Hi there

I’m the ‘Secret Foster Carer’ and although I’ve fostered with Blue Sky for many years, my background is in journalism, so writing about my fostering encounters and my family is a combination of all my favourite roles!

Generally, I write about six blogs each month and although they all relate to fostering experiences. I try to share things relevant to the time of year or to things that have appeared in the news. Everything I experience and share brings a new depth and reward for everyone in my home, for my friends and for my wider family.

Although you may never know my name, I will be delighted for you to follow my blog, share my experiences and maybe the odd personal revelation or two!

If you’d like to ask a question, share your experiences or share an observation, please feel free to write them in the 'comments' section below, or at the end of each blog and I will happily respond and offer advice where I can.

Best wishes

The Secret Foster Carer


  1. Hello there,
    I've just come across your blog as I am doing ongoing research about it, as it has always been something I've wanted to do. I say 'ongoing' because I am about to have our second child, so it would be a plan about 2-3 years in the future. Could you tell me how your work fits around your foster care? I would need to work part-time in addition to fostering but it is flexible and could be made to fit, however everything I read about it says that the agency would rather you committed full-time to the care role. Do you have any thoughts or tips on how you make this work? Thanks!

  2. Hello Anonymous,

    Thanks for your question, it's an interesting on so I'll answer in more detail than a reply; as a separate post on "FOSTERING. CAN I DO IT?"

  3. Hi there,
    I am currently in the process of applying to be a respite carer with my local authority. Am in 'stage 1' but things seem to be going well. I've been reading your blog a while and havent noticed any thoughts on LGBT foster care (unless I missed it), that is either with LGBT parents or LGBT children or both. I am a gay woman. I put that on my form, all good there.
    Of course I am hoping to get approved. I am keen to look after older (11+) children. If it ever came up in conversation with children is it wise to be honest about such things, ie if the child asked why I dont have a husband/boyfriend (I am single, btw).
    Linked to this, my understanding is that LGBT youth can make up a higher percentage of foster care children, particularly older ones, than in the general population. Do you think it is wise, or even positive, to place LGBT youth with a LGBT carer? Is it even something I could raise with my social worker as a possible positive?
    Thank you.

    1. hi I am looking into fostering as a respite carer and got told LA dont do restbite, ive never asked my LA, but would be interested in knowing of LA do offer restbite for foster carer and child

    2. Hi Because I Care,
      Nice pen name by the way.
      I honestly don't know the answer to your question; although I can't imagine that LAs would have a gard and fast rule. Fostering familes often need a break. Bear in mind there might be a good reason why they need that break, if that's what you want to get into.
      You maybe ougth to ask either your local authority or give Blue Sky a ring they're always up for helping with info.

  4. Very interesting bunch of questions Anon.
    First up though; welcome to the world of fostering, or to be precise in your current situation, the world of fostering-in-waiting.
    Thank goodness for people like you Anon!
    I have a sneaky feeling you're going to take to fostering like a duck to water, and fostering is going to take to you likewise.
    If I can help in the slightest I'll be delighted.
    Listen, too much to answer in a reply box, I hope you're happy for me to treat your enquiries as a separate blog post.

    1. Hi, thanks for replying. Yes, of course a blog post would be great.
      Also for the sake of clarity I should add I'm in process of approval for respite care (one w/e per month) but in the future (3-5yrs' time) I'm looking to do foster care f/t, especially long term for older children - sibling groups particularly. In fact I am buying a 3-bed home for that purpose. Currently have lodgers but when time and monies allow I would like to have foster children f/t.

  5. That sounds a very well-thought out process. There's a big need for weekend respite, and during one's first forays into fostering it can be useful to get a quiet house back and take stock. There's so much to pick up at first, little things rather than massive ones.
    I'm on that blog post.

  6. Hello. Thank you so much for your insightful and interesting and oh so helpful! blog. We are in the process of assessment currently, and your posts make for excellent reading and reflection opportunities on this journey and beyond. Big thank you for sharing snapshots of your experiences as a foster carer.

  7. Thank you for taking the time to post, and an even bigger thank you for joining us in fostering.
    Please, please let me know how things go for you; we're all behind you in what will be the experience of a lifetime!

  8. Heya Secret Foster Carer,
    I've wanted to do fostering for many many years now. I have done some research, and decided a couple of years ago that I don't want to do it on my own. My girlfriend is very keen to do it but wants to wait 2 or 3 years.

    The trouble is, I just don't know if I'm resilient enough. I did a year of children's nursing, then a post-grad in children's counselling, volunteered at various youth clubs, and have worked as a childminder/nanny part-time throughout - trying to build up a skillset and experience of looking after children in different contexts.

    But the thing is the older I get the more it affects me - rather than the other way around, building up resilience. I just watched this video: and was sobbing again. A couple of weeks ago there was an injury at work - a little boy lost the top of his finger, and it really affected me for a couple of days (I kept seeing the injured finger in my mind!). I can't tell if I am just too sensitive a person, and should focus on helping in other ways! We were planning to start by doing Nightstop (volunteer host for 16-25 year olds who need somewhere to stay for the night) in 2019, but I'm wondering if I need a whole redirection - to get a smaller place and focus on working for these young people outside the home.
    Any thoughts? Bit ramblely, I know.. I have so enjoyed your blog over the years.

  9. Hi Secret Foster Carer, If you are looking for topics to post on, I'd love to hear about your thoughts on post-reunification visits and if and how you interacted with bio families. My little 5 year old guy will be returning home permanently in 2 weeks, which is great news. I have met his mom twice briefly. There are no safety issues at all. (He is in a voluntary fostering programme due to his mom and dad doing night shift work but his mom is now able to switch to day shift.) I have offered to the social worker to continue to be a support to the family, and take him for the occasional daytime outing or sleepover, like once every month or two. I think the family would benefit from the support. He would definitely benefit as he adores my girls and he and I have a strong bond. If she does say yes, how do I maintain contact directly in a respectful way that reassures his mom that I have no intentions of usurping her role and that I'm not trying to "save" her child but rather just get to be a tiny part of his life? I admire your outlook and was wondering if you have maintained contact post-reunification. Warm regards, RG (I'm the foster mom who lives in a far away country.)

  10. Hey RG, you raise a great thing, worth a separate post, which I'm onto and will put up shortly.

  11. Hi,
    I have been looking for some information in the fostering handbook etc. and no success. I found your blog and I'm hoping you can provide the information I need before speaking to Social workers. I understand that pets who come into a household will be evaluated to make sure they are suitable to be around children but I'm not sure how it would work for the raising of guide dog for the blind puppy? I have put in an application to be a guide dog for the blind puppy raiser and got to the interview stage everything is all good apart from being in a fostering family, They are happy that I can assure the safety of both the puppy and children with being in a large home and the puppy being under my constant supervision with designated areas of safe zones but to them the puppies cannot be evaluated as they are young; personalities and behaviours can change as they grow, the worry is if they are evaluated and not suitable to be in the household then I can't just simply hand them back as I have applied to be responsible for their puppy training as well as children who come into our care that may have abused animals/pets.

    I'm not the foster carer but I am a fostering support network for the foster carer and I'm hoping I can be a guide dog puppy walker for Guide dogs for the blind, Can I do it? I'm wondering about the rules with fostering/social workers? Can you help with the information. We already have a rescue cat in our household and we have babies to pre school that come into our care.

  12. Hi there. Our dogs have both had trips to the vet as soon as they were old enough to verify their temperament, it's a rule that Blue Sky stick too and I'm glad they do. Both dogs were/are Golden Retrievers, one of the reasons we chose that breed is they have a good reputation for being with children. I've got a number of thoughts in my mind about your query but I'll settle for this one at this point in time; I think you should talk to a social worker about it, and quickly. Not because you have anything to worry about at all because I have every belief something can easily be worked out that suits all parties, it's just that you need to know - all concerned need to know - for certain how to go forward. And only a qualified social worker can do that.
    Good luck.
    ps let me know how it turns out.