ONE OF LIFE'S GREATEST MOMENTS

 What is there not to love for foster parents when we meet other foster parents?

Everybody enjoys the company of like-minded people. Everybody from football fans through to Buddhist monks, we feel at home with our own.

There's something, dare I say it out loud, that's a bit extra special for us who foster. 

In a nutshell it's this; nobody knows for sure exactly what fostering is like unless they've done it. So it's always glorious to be chatting away with a fellow veteran. 

ONLY FELLOW FOSTER FOLK KNOW WHAT ONE OF LIFE'S GREATEST MOMENTS ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE.

I'm absolutely not knocking anyone else here, especially the amazing social workers and other professionals that surround us. They provide everything they can and that's pretty much everything we need from technical back-up (most fostering folk are pretty much greenhorns on matter of the law relating to Care, for example) to emotional understanding and encouragement.

The bald fact is, however, we are trained, supervised and supported by people who have not actually experienced the thing they are training us, supervising us and supporting us to do. It's all credit to them for doing it so well.

I can only think of one solitary human being who achieved something having been trained, supervised and supported entirely by people none of whom had done the thing he was being lined up to do, the thing he did do and do it well.

Neil Armstrong.

So; of course it can be done based on theory rather than practice, but;

Until and unless a person has experienced what I believe is one of life's biggest single moments they can only wonder what it feels like.

That moment happened to me like this;

The child was a nine-year-old boy I'll call Jason. He was our first ever placement, and that's a clue to the moment I'm on about.

We had only recieved approval to foster a few days prior to his arrival. We'd had all the visits, the reports on us had been written up and we'd got the nod. Thus far in fostering all our experiences had been similar to others we'd had in life. The big unique moment was on its way.

I'd actually been introduced to the child before his placement with us was made. Blue Sky, thorough as ever, wanted me to meet the boy to see if I could manage him, he was a handful.

But I've hooked up with kids of all ages and types down the years, so still; nothing new or big yet.

He was only going to be with us for a weekend, it was respite for his permanent carers who were pooped.

He arrived with his carer plus the child's Social Worker and our Blue Sky Social Worker and he got down to opening the 'present' I'd bought to welcome him. It was a football annual all about the team I knew he liked. His father was a notorious man who 'ran with' a dubious squad of men who followed this team round the country having bust-ups with rival 'fans'.

Not something I wanted to encourage son to follow father in, but what the heck, I found the book in a charity shop, and it was a book after all, probably the first he'd ever owned.

The three adults sat with me at our kitchen table and went through some stuff; hints and tips about the lad's likes and dislikes plus a few forms to exchange and telephone numbers to swap.

Then the moment began to show on my radar…

They all stood up and put their things in their bags. They smiled and exchanged words such as "Lovely to meet you" and "I'll have our office email those details to you". And as they spoke they moved off towards out front door.

They collected their coats from the pegs and buckled up… and I could feel the moment rushing at me…

The front door was opened and they trilled off up our garden path with my Blue Sky person calling over her shoulder;

"Don't forget we're on call 24 hours, and I'll ring you in the morning."

I watched them get into their vehicles and pull away, me standing in the porch watching them go, my hand in the air waving goodbye.

And then; THE MOMENT.

I closed the front door.

And opened the world of fostering.

I was doing it. Fostering. The other people had left and it was now down to me and my wits and everything the world had taught me so far.

I can honestly say I've never had a moment like it. I felt gifted, yet anxious. Proud, yet uncertain. Empowered but fragile. Focussed but giddy.

I felt all sorts of things...I'd never felt so exhilarated. So alive.

Fact is I didn't get more than half a moment because I had to rush around trying to find the lad, he'd started exploring the house. He was such a fireball the weekend was a blur.

But whenever I meet a foster mum or dad I often ask them about that first moment in fostering. They compare it to when they first rode a bike, or swam in the deep end, or opened the big Christmas present.

We usually agree, the great moment is all those things.

And a little bit more.