Our newest foster child is going through it at the moment, it's worth sharing.
Sometimes in fostering one can fall back on previous experiences. Most often you find oneself in a "Day One" state of mind.
The little feller likes life as a foster child so much he's not wanting to go home.
I've never quite had to deal with this one before.
Shades of it yes; kids who want to 'stay in touch', kids who 'will never forget you'. Even had one who asked if instead of them going home their parents could move in with us 'to see how to be proper mummies and daddies'.
The child's trepidation about being returned has to be peeled down to find out what the core problem is.
Our Blue Sky SW is being a bastion, working closely with the child's Local Authority SW.
The picture we're getting is that the child believes he'll be harmed if he goes back, but we have to go deeper and try to find out in what way might he be harmed and how real is the danger.
Physical harm is done to all too many kids who come into care. I've had slapped kids, smacked kids, punched kids, kids whacked with a baseball bat, had a toaster hurled at them. Had kids locked out in the garden all night in the rain, locked up in their bedroom. Locked into a cupboard. Tied up, gagged, had cold water poured over them. The list could go on.
It seems the bruises heal, it's the emotional scars that stay.
And of course, it's easier to spot a physical trauma than an emotional one.
So what everyone's working on is finding out exactly, or as near as exactly, what the child is fearful of and then trying to ensure the child is spared the experience.
If that means confronting the parents over aspects of their parenting, that's what will happen.
But. It's needle in a haystack time, because young children rarely (if ever) understand what's happening to them and around them.
Or the effect it has on them.
The one thing we have established is that he's afraid of bedtime, and not in the normal "It's too early, can I stay up a bit longer", or the equally normal but more problematic "I see funny shapes on the curtains" way.
Needless to say we were quick to wonder the worst.
As far as I know (foster folk aren't always fully apprised of proceedings against a foster child's significant others, something to do with their human rights maybe)…
…as far as I know there are no allegations of impropriety or worse against any of the householders or the many, many occasional visitors.
Yes, it's an open house where he comes from, funny how chaotic homes are often a cross between a pub and a house of ill repute.
Time is not on our side. The current economic nightmare is pressuring social services to find solutions quickly, and it's also forcing more children into care, meaning more foster places are needed.
Whatever the pressures, everyone is working to get it right for the child.
As ever.
Must dash, up to my neck in hay and no sign of any needle.
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