I've always tried not to pass on advice, or at least if I feel I must, I try to do it sparingly and above all modestly.
I can't always be right.
When our first-born was a baby I used to wheel him around the shops in a pushchair. I was constantly beset by people wanting to "Oooo" and "Aaaah" at him. Then they'd offer me advice. I didn't ask their advice, they simply did. I guess it did them good, took them back to happy memories of their first-born.
I had a T shirt made up with the words "No More Advice" printed on it, but never wore it.
When someone asks for my advice I generally work out what they intend to do no matter what advice I give them, and tell them that's what I think they should do. Why? Because they're probably going to do it anyway and stand a better chance of success if they have the additional confidence of knowing that other people are behind them.
Those are my thought on advice.
However…
I'm going to call these fostering titbits "Tips". There, that's cleared my conscience.
1. Buy a set of children's cutlery. It helps them use knives and forks. Remember, many chaotic homes eat with their hands out of the carton.
2. Put food out on the table in bowls and let everyone choose what they want and how much.
3. When a new child arrives kneel down and talk to them at their level. Any idea how big we giants look to a frightened child?
4. Put a bowl of fruit in their room and tell them it's their property.
5. Make sure you always have Dolmio and Penne in the larder, in case you get an emergency call. It keeps forever and no child I've had has turned up her nose at it.
6. Don't decorate the child's room in either blue or pink.
7. Find out what the child's favourite TV is, and teach yourself to enjoy watching it with them.
8. Don't shout up the stairs that "Tea's ready!". Raised voices in many failing homes is a precursor of big trouble.
9. Show them how everything in the bathroom works.
10. On your way back home from Contact pull into a petrol station and let them choose a snack. It was harder on them than we'll ever know.
Wonderful advice! I'll add two more, even though you didn't ask for it I hope you won't mind. One of those motion activated lights in the hall so people can find their way to the bathroom at night is a great addition. And having a sign on the door that says "Bathroom" is also great for night time confusion in the early days with a new arrival. We actually have names on our bedroom door, my office door and the bathroom door so the kids can navigate around a little easier when they are new.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely don't mind Mooglet, you're always more than welcome. The names on the door idea is brilliant. I remember reading that the scallywag Jeffrey Archer purposely never put "Bathroom" on his Thames-side apartment loo because he loved to tell guests "Third on the left. The one after the Picasso".
ReplyDeleteYour so right about making things as easy as possible for foster children during the first few days. Although, one mistake I made early in my fostering was to tell a new child "And if you wake up in the middle of the night and are frightened, come and knock on our bedroom door. Thing was, he took it as an instruction. 2.00am is the proper 'middle of the night alright…thank goodnes for DVDs and Spongebob Squarepants.
ps Mooglet, absolutely love the motion-activated hall light idea. Looking into getting us one of those. 10/10
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