KEEPING UP

 People coming into fostering for the first time sometimes worry that they don't know enough.

Sure, we fostering folk benefit from training. Blue Sky arrange that.

But I often find myself reminding new Carers; you already know more than you might realise.

Think about it. 

So; you're going to be looking after someone's else's child. A prospect that might seem a bit daunting but never forget that you were a child yourself, so you can imagine yourself in their shoes, and that's a big help. You may have had children of your own, which is another credential - not that it matters if a Carer hasn't had children of their own.

So many things to do with childhood are universal and timeless. 

For example, small children still often have a familiar soft toy. A teddy bear or the equivilant. It's striking that in this day and age of high-tech gizmos and whizzbang cartoons, they'll never be parted from the tattered one-eyed elephant they still call "Leffietant".

But there's a reason why this pops into my head around about Autumn. See, no time quite like Autumn do we foster parents have to stay on their toes watching out for the other side of the coin, namely the things about childhood that change big time, and fast.

I first bumped into this when Kendryke came to stay. He was a sturdy 10 year-old who liked his football, his MacDonalds and his superheroes. He also liked our dog, and it did us all good when he'd join me on the daily dog-walk down to the meadow. On this day the leaves were falling. Suddenly I lit up. I'd seen, lying all by itself, a fat glistening…conker!

"Kendryke! Quick!" I shouted, breaking into a trot in case someone else saw it and got to it ahead of us.

I got there first, picked it up and marvelled. Conkers are at such a premium among kids, to find one glowing and awaiting an owner was a red-letter moment. 

Note for non-UK readers; "Conkers" is a game I won't bore you with. But stumbling on one of these nuts lying waiting to be picked up was unheard of.

Kendryke was non-plussed. He was maybe worried that we were having raw nuts for tea instead of Wednesday pasta…

I looked around. Over the road was another conker. And another. The place was littered with them, and that's what they'd become; litter. They'd gone from being the child's treasure for many generations to nothingness in the blink of an eye.

Kendryke loved his dog-walks. But conkers? Do me a favour.

See, Autumn is a challenging time for fostering folk, because there are a number of events coming up that are not far off the story of the conker.

Next up is Halloween. Used to be a lazy teachers tool. Then we had a go at doing it the American way. Now it seems to be on its last legs among children. Maybe Covid all but did for it. Mind, my teenager foster child used it to bargain a Halloween party, the only scary thing was the clearing up.

After Halloween; Bonfire Night, an ever-present. The big change from my generation is this; It used to be a garden bonfire and box of fireworks (inevitably lit by dad). Spool on and we attend "Displays" where local man-childs re-enact Armageddon having contacted each other to have their event on different days so as to get bigger crowds. Bonfire Night used to be only on November 5th, then it shifted to the nearest weekend day. Currently we all lie awake at 11.00pm comforting a petrified dog from October through December.  And are limited in our protests because the organisers reply that the reason they do it is it's charity. 

The great thing about the old bonfife night was that it was family. But like I'm on about here; things change.

After Bonfire night the build-up really kicks in for Christmas (ages old) unless Black Friday (shiny new) knocks you out of your stride. Christmas, or "The Holidays" as they call it in the US, is also morphing, but slowly. Somewhere in it all the Americans Thanksgive. 

The core of  Christmas is what kids love (as do I). They get stuff. But more than that they sense an event, a family event, and in fostering it's valuable to show kids how family can be.

Then New Year.

So, it's about 6 events crammed into 8 weeks and they are all big events for children and that includes foster children.

I'm told that more children come into care over this period than at any time of the year, because many families can't cope with the pressure.

We fostering folk can cope, and so we do.

Based on our own knowledge and our experience and our ability to adapt.