The Covid pandemic was a challenge to all, and presented fostering with some unique issues.
It seemed obvious at the time that Covid would be followed by a pandemic of mental health problems, and sadly that does seem to be happening, with more and more children needing a foster home.
And I'm not pretending Covid is over, it's going on still in so many ways, as is the spread of anxieties and bad decision-making. But let's steer clear of that one at this moment.
Us humans do try to make the best of everything, and without underplaying the horror of Covid or its aftermath, we've more than soldiered on. We've worked on necessities and actually found a few ways to better ourselves.
For example we're becoming a cashless economy. Yes, it must be a struggle for many people who don't have a cashcard and can't use their phone to pay for things. But it's helped us in more ways than keeping us safer from infection. Our high-street busker takes payment by card or phone. He prefers it. Our foster kids prefer not having money, makes them feel grown-up and they don't have to engage with shop staff and bus drivers as much, which they often find intimidating.
Another big change is fast food. Every foster parent knows the hugely disproportionate importance that fast food occupies in the lives of children in care.
It's their oxygen.
They positively adore the whole process of deciding what they want, surfing their phone or whatever, mulling over the huge range of options. If it's a weekend lunch do they go with a Subway sandwich or something else with a snack-like feel to it so as to make room for a pizza tonight? Or if they can find someone else in the house to share a pizza for lunch they can go the whole hog for dinner and have a Chinese. Or Korean. Or shushi, Indian, fish n'chips.
It's expensive though, we have to help them budget. The last time we ordered fish and chips for all it came out at £45. We use fast-food deliveries as a treat, not a staple, and that's fair. We should also remember that we foster parents get a generous allowance to cover the cost of having a foster child in the house, and believe me the allowance more than covers the cost.
Fast food delivery has to be controlled in fostering, but it's a spectacular device to win co-operation. And I just love the frisson that runs through the whole house when the doorbell rings and someone shouts "Deliveroo!"
When I began fostering everyone was very keen on fostering folk providing home cooked meals eaten together at the table, and that regime still works. We do that weekdays, but hey, my cooking is nothing more than safe and basic. If I had a penny for every fish-finger or skinless sausage I've knocked out with beans and oven fries I could afford to have fish n' chips delivered more often…
Can't get your foster child to eat salad? When the bits of lettuce and tomato is dressed up in a carton with a lid and Thousand Island dressing, or hidden in a Subway baguette it takes on a whole new identity. And down the hatch it goes.
Fast-food deliveries are a boon at weekends and special ocassions. When people eat, we don't just nourish the body. The sheer joy kids get from the whole delivery experience brings a huge sense of well-being to the house. We must never forget that children coming into care have often experienced hunger as well as other heartaches. Food is big.
Our middle foster child used to be very shy, and would hide when the doorbell rang with a delivery. The child didn't want to be glimpsed by the person. Gradually we worked on his confidence with adults. Now, he's happy to answer the door, give the code and say "Thanks". And when the delivery person says "Enjoy your evening." he replies "You too".
And now that he has a debit card he's confident enough to catch a bus, by himself, which is huge. Paying money and getting change was scary for him, but thanks to the changes in the economy he's on track.
Covid gave the world 3 years of hell on earth, let's hope we can avoid another pandemic, or at least if one comes along we're better prepared.
But despite everything, we humans seem determined to do more than merely stay alive.
We'll go through a lot to make ourselves happy.
And in fostering nothing makes us happier than the kids being happy.
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