Dear me, you're always learning in fostering.
My go-to opening line when I get asked to speak to would-be foster carers is; "I've been fostering for 30 years. And I'm going to stick at it until I get it right."
New stuff is taxing.
But if it's new and good… y'gotta do the work.
Sounds like I'm on about something humungous? Well it is... and it isn't.
Every single thing we fostering folk do for the kids who we are entrusted with is big. Some things are bigger than others; diet, education, socialisation, warmth and safety.
There's something I'll call "Personal safety". You could call it "Personal self-regard", or even "Pride in oneself".
Kids coming into care often need to learn about being clean, wearing clean clothes, washing their hair, having fresh sheets. They need to learn about eating the right stuff, some even need to learn about cleaning themselves after a trip to the loo.
Clipping one's toenails, fresh socks every day, clean ears; all that.
A quick aside; these shortcomings aren't confined to kids who end up in care. Several years ago I was asked to give a talk to the parents of children at a local school. The topics were things like "Your child should know how to use a knife and fork" and "Your child should know how to use a toilet". Does it bug you to learn that the school was a high-end private school stocked with the children of "successful" professionals? One dad, who owned a chain of hair salons (note the subtle use of "salon" where most people call it the "hairdressers"), he told me he blamed the school that his son didn't know what toilet paper was for.
It sure bugs me.
So; yes; foster kids need to know about personal safety...but it's a personal area and we fostering folk tread warily and professionally. This is where conversations with our Blue Sky social worker pays dividends. They know what's what, and know how to advise us on what's what. And how to get what's what across.
If I was you reading this I'd be wondering where we're going here? Personal safety …are we heading into... periods and menstruation? Transitioning and top surgery, testosterone? Drug understanding? Diet and exercise regimes?
Nah.
I'm talking about…
Cleaning one's teeth.
Cleaning one's teeth is important. Not a life-threatening issue but one that plenty of well-meaning people think of as a ticket to Heaven if you get it right throughout your life.
So here's the thing:
When I was small we were taught that you brush up and down. The reason given was that by brushing up and down you remove any food stuck between your teeth. We were told that the food stuck between our teeth turned to sugar and caused tooth decay.
Several years on we were told that you had to brush your teeth and gums. I can't remember if we were given any science on this, but for donkey's yonks I've brushed my teeth up and down and given my gums a quick zizz too.
And now, it's changed. Here's how I found out: I had a filling pop out and went to the dentist to have it fixed and she recommended I let their dental hygienist have a look at me and advise me. The hygienist told me I was getting everything wrong, including wrong direction with the brush and wrong use of an electric toothbrush. Wrong type of brush-head (wrong bristles). Wrong brand of toothpaste, wrong pressure on the teeth, and wrong gum care. Wrong use of dental floss too. She said the new thinking had been around for "ages" and maybe I'm out of the loop.
Whatever. I'm stuck with wondering how to advise my kids on how to brush their teeth.
I asked my dear Blue Sky social worker and she replied "As long as they're cleaning their teeth one way of another the technique isn't really something to lie awake fretting about." Then she asked to be reminded how often the children cleaned their teeth and I got a house point (much needed) for my answer "Twice a day, morning and bedtime, sometimes 3 times at the weekend if they have a sweet treat with their lunch."
She replied "Wow, that's great! How do you get them to do it?" Adding "Most kids in care hate brushing their teeth."
So I told her my tactic;
When it's toothbrush time I say "Let's see whose teeth are whitest. I bet mine are." Then after brushing we stand in front of the hall mirror and compare teeth. They always win, I always lose.
Job done.
She complimented me on another of my tricks of the trade. She said she might pass it on to other fostering folk, as Blue Sky are big on many things, including teeth and eyes.
They are also big on keeping their fostering folk positive and proud of the work we do.
Mind, if that hygienist was right, I'm lucky to have any teeth left to enter the competition with…
PS: I now advise my foster children to brush up and down, followed by round and round. Clever cop-out that, maybe I should have been in politics. And tell them that my grandad cleaned his teeth with soot to which they invariably reply "Cool! Can you get some soot in?" and "Does Soot taste like like paprika?"
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