UNEXPLAINED TRIUMPHS

 Youngest foster child has come through a bad patch.

School wasn't working as well as it might and the child was reluctant to get ready in the morning. I often ended up going out the front door, and sitting in the car to give a sense of inevitability that the school run will happen even though the child is stubbornly sitting on the bottom stair not putting on their shoes.

These stand-offs were tiring, but are by no means confined to fostering. Our eldest birth child was much the same, and he ended up at a decent university so we're philosophiocal about the diehards who think that 6 or 7 hours compulsory daily schooling five days a week is an absolute, or else the child will end up on the scrapheap.

One difference between fostering and ordinary parenting is that when a child is in care the local authority has ultimate responsibility; so school attendance is carefully monitored. They need to make sure the child isn't being dropped off at the school gates then doing a bunk and spending the day hanging around amusement arcades or the shopping mall.

Every so often had no option but to concede and let the child stay home.

"Yikes!" goes an imaginary voice in my head, belonging to someone who's never fostered; "That's illegal!"

It simply isn't. If a child in care goes into a meltdown we have to look after the child - and ourselves. Everyone connected with fostering knows and understands that if a child is physically unwell they are kept at home. Judging matters when the unwellness is emotional, and whether it's sufficient to have the child stay at home for that day, is part and parcel of some fostering placements. But, as ever you're never alone in fostering. At times (as rarely as possbile) the foster parent concedes. Any suchlike abscence is carefully recorded and discussed with social workers.

I would get occasional phone calls from a LA officer whose job is to keep a checklist of school attendance figures for their children in care. The officer is polite and understanding. 

The foster parent does their best every day, but there are limits.

The child's schooling remains a top topic of conversation whenever the child's Local Authority Social Worker, or my Blue Sky Social Worker pay a visit (usually once a month). They need to be reassured that I'm doing my best to get the child to school, but that I'm also protecting the child from real or imagined demons, and also protecting myself.

The child needed to be pursuaded to get in the car, there can never, ever be any physical ushering - I don't even buckle their seat belt for them, that's down to them once the child is old enough, and if I have to wait another 5 minutes for that to happen, so be it.

Schoolday mornings were uphill for a while.

However…

This has happened since they went back from the last school holidays;

The mornings are easier!

The question is, of course, how come?

One of the great pleasures in fostering is joining up the dots. Sometimes me and my SW will while away an hour trying to piece together the reason for an improved behaviour, or attitude, or trait.

So what's brought about the new broom? The child in question is something of a closed book. Children in care often prefer to keep things to themselves. So TBH your guess is as good as mine, here come the possibles:

1) The child has settled their differences with another pupil or pupils who were making life hard in the playground.

2) One or more of the child's teachers doubled down to help the child.

3) The child started enjoying the social side of school - becoming part of a group, making a best friend.

4) The child began to show ability in some of the curriculum and took pleasure from success.

5) I'd ensured that life at home on a schoolday was as boring as possible: ie no daytime TV, no computer games (turn the wi-fi off), requesting help with drying the dishes and doing some hoovering. I'd even sometimes find some maths exercises or English comprehension on my PC and get the child to do a bit of homework.

6) Sensible rewards (late night bedtime on Fridays etc) for achieving the target attendance figure set by the school as part of the personalised plan all children in care have with their school.

I suspect the child started looking at the positives of school; not wanting to miss out on the social scene, the hurley-burley. The ups and downs of playground life. I even got the impression that the child would miss our regular morning routine tug of war to get him going.

Plus, I think, the child felt cared for that people were trying their best for him; respecting the child and their individuality.

Child now gets up and goes off roughly 50% more cheerful.

Still takes child an age to get their shoes on though...