Night time is always worth plenty of thinking about in fostering, because for the foster parent it can seem a lonely time. We get plenty of support, there's always someone at Blue Sky, or whatever one's agency or local authorority is, we can phone or email if there's something.
During the day.
But out-of-hours (night time), we inevitably feel a tad more alone. Blue Sky have a 24 hour service and that's great, I did call once, and got good advice, but the officers don't quite feel the same as the social workers who know your case inside out.
It's easy, sometimes, to get your foster child to bed. The process towards bedtime almost begins when they get back from school. Weekends are slightly different, but from the evening meal onwards, bedtime looms.
Some kids are cool and go upstairs fine. Some argue the toss wanting another half-hour.
One way or another we parents push a bit and get what we need.
Then we come downstairs and settle in front of the telly.
But in fostering night-time doesn't end there.
99% of the time, the actual fostering does; the job is done until the following morning. But some nights it's different.
The difference is down to the fact that we know our own children and their sleeping patterns, and have learned them from the day they were born. We get their quirks of going upstairs, getting into bed, being left alone after the usual "Night night, sleep well, see you in the morning."
But when you foster, the evening routine has a twist on normal parenting, not necessarily a twist for the worst, merely a new thing.
Put simply; we don't know how our foster children sleep.
Just think about the lighting thing;
Some like a nightlight, some like a landing light left on and their door half-open. Some like a full bedsite light on. I had a 17 year-old once, could only sleep with the main bedroom light and the bedsite light on.
Some need to go to sleep wrapped in a duvet on the sofa and get carried upstairs once they've gone.
Some simply fight sleep and are still flipping and flopping at 11.00 o'clock.
A quick story about a girl called Kathy who came aged 14.
Sorry, this story is unsettling, but has a happy ending.
Kathy's father had been imprisoned, and before she arrived we knew and were informed about the reasons for his conviction. Her mother was limited, and deemed unable to look after the children.
Kathy displayed a need to have her bedroon door permanently shut tight. At first we didn't think anything about it. She would come home from school, go to her room and shut the door hard.
She'd eat with us, then go back to her room and get behind her door, which she shut hard, good as gold.
One night not long after she arrived she'd gone to bed, and my partner happened to go upstairs and ten minutes later she came stomping down in a right tizz.
Long story short; she was triggered by the sound of heavy footsteps outside her bedroom door.
In fostering we foster parents often put two and two together and get four.
We devised a way of going upstairs when it was our bedtime that helped Kathy's nightmares. We tried going upstairs softly softly; succes rate about 4/10. The we tried making abit of noise that was plainly us; 8/10.
Me: (quite loudly) "Here we go upstairs to bed, me and Jim! (not my partner's real name).. me and Jim, Jim and me… night night anyone who can hear us, tomorrow's Spag Boll, get your order in at breakfast if you want garlic bread or dough balls. G'night all!"
It wasn't a cure-all. How could it be? We had been advised on Kathy's life up to coming into care. She had a mountain to climb and in fostering we foster parents often offer the first little ladder.
I believe our efforts to help her get a good night sleep helped.
We sleep a bit less in fostering. But we sleep better than many.
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