A neighbour and I got chatting in the street a couple of days ago.
She lives several doors down from me, I've said "Good morning" to her for years, without getting to know her, so it came as a surprise to her as we chatted for her to discover that I fostered.
It reminded me how seldom I raise the subject in conversation.
I noticed her mind working. Sometimes people change the subject instantly, hoping to steer the conversation away from fostering rather than risk feeling that they ought to think about doing it themselves.
This lady asked;
"In fostering, do you get any say in what sort of children you look after?"
GREAT question. For two reasons; one; it gave me a chance to explain the issue to her and touch on it here, with you, on the blog. And two; it might mean that she's interested in fostering.
I replied like this; "I work with a fostering agency called Blue Sky. When a local authority ("LA") takes a child into care the LA informs Blue Sky they're looking for a foster family, and Blue Sky sit down and go through their book of carers looking for what they call "a match".
A good match means that the foster carers would be right for the child, and the child would be right for the foster carers.
If, at the beginning of one's career in fostering, a new carer tells Blue Sky they'd be more confident with teenagers or toddlers, then that's duly noted. Ditto any and every other relevant detail about the areas of preference and skills the carers want to play to.
The reason Blue Sky go to great lengths to get a good match is simple; they want every placement to work.
In my case, when we resumed our fostering after a break to focus on our newborns, we believed we were big enough and wise enough to take on any child who needed a foster home. We've never said no to any child, and have no regrets. There have been times when we were stretched, but what do you expect? The rewards are both massive and intangible, by which I mean you get a rush of wellbeing every so often, and a sense that you're not wasting your time down here.
I reassured the neighbour that if a placement became too much Blue Sky would dive in to help, and if necessary look at alternatives for the child. Similarly, foster carers can take a break between placements to recharge their batteries.
I also told her that sometimes the quest to get the right match works against carers.
Sometimes the LA decides that a better match for the child and their carers would be elsewhere, not yourself.
Blue Sky always make sure their carers realise that the reasons the LA places a child elsewhere is no reflection on the carers. It's usually down to things such as geography. For example; if a child needs to stay at the same school, it wouldn't work if the school run was too long and complicated.
We got a phone call from Blue Sky one time asking if we'd consider taking two boys who'd been sent to the UK by their family to escape the war where they lived. The boys spoke no English, needed a special diet, and also a room to allow then to pray daily.
We said yes.
I Googled their language and started learning key phrases to help them feel accepted. I Googled and found a shop about 15 miles away that sold the food they needed, and another outlet that could provide the right mat and other items they needed for prayer.
We were getting excited.
Then; a phone call from Blue Sky:
"We're sorry to have to tell you that they won't be coming to you. The LA have found a foster family living in the UK who are from the same country as the boys, and have decided they'd be better off with them.
We were disappointed, but it was obviously for the better.
Whenever I've said "Yes" to a child who ends up elsewhere I always feel a bit sad. Blue Sky provide as much background information as they can if a child, might be heading your way and I've ended up half-knowing the child. So there's a slight sense of loss.
Not only that, I think about them from time to time and hope things turned out OK.
Next time I see my neighbouir I'm going to find a way to bring up fostering.
Our children need all the help they can get.
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