SUPPORT MEETINGS

 I'm fresh from a Blue Sky support meeting, where foster carers show up for a chat about how things are going.

Whether the frequest get-togethers are face-to-face or virtual is neither here nor there, it's brilliant to get a peek into other carers worlds. 

Every foster child is unique.

Come to that, every foster parent is unique too.

You get stay-at-home mums whose children have left home, ex-squaddies, an architect, a cleaning person.

Plus you get a range of feelings about fostering; the newish carers who are often simply getting used to fostering, and fostering does take a bit of getting used to.

Then there's the experienced carers who are more footsure. They've been round the block and are armed with the enemy of the unexpected, namely the deadly 'been there, done that'.

At this meeting - that I'm still processing - a carer called Denise told everyone about her current placement.

A girl. Aged 13, which in her eyes meant that she was an adult with adult rights. At first she put out the positives of adulthood; she fetched and carried and minded her Ps and Qs.

Then, as is often the case, once she grasped that Denise wasn't going to kick off at her (a fracas she'd grown used to in her 'real' home) she started trying it out…

She started saying that she'd had enough of being fostered and was going home.

Denise stumped her like this;

Instead of saying "I'm afraid that's not possible because there's a legally binding order in place that you remain with us in this house until your family home is safe."

Denise said:

"How do you plan to get home?"

Apparently the girl was gobsmacked by the response.  She'd never considered how she'd make the journey. She knew nothing about trains or buses, and a cab was out of the question (her home was many miles away).

Most of all; no matter how much she longed to be an adult, deep down she was a child. Denise was holding up a mirror to the girl's shortfall in how the world works. 

Denise told us at the support meeting that she didn't add any more thoughts to the discussion of the child going home. She simply braced herself for the child doing some Googling and being able to come back with the answer as to how she'd make the journey home.

We asked her how she's deal with the next level of this one.

Denise replied:

"Oh, as I always say in fostering, 'I'll miss that bridge when I come to it."