THE TYRANNY OF THE ELF

 We have a four-year old family member staying with us, his mum and dad have got the builders in. 

It's only for a fortnight, we talked it through with our social workers; thumbs up. My foster kids love a raucous household and I'm pottering until half eleven every night putting the house back together…

We were set for a blissful pre-Christmas hootnanny, then…

…blot on the escutcheon.

The lad's dad showed up late on the first night with a bag of stuff, and assembled a slightly disturbing grotto on our kitchen table; whacky toys, a mysterious note and an even more mysterious cloth Elf.

This was my first encounter with…

…The Elf On The Shelf!

I asked him what it was all about. He explained;

"It's an American thing…"

So: if you already know about The Elf, skip the next paragraph.

The Elf On The Shelf is a spin-off from a children's book of the same name. It was written 21 years ago, which, the USA being such a young country, makes it a tradition. The Elf's job is to spy on the family's children then report back to Santa whether they've been naughty or nice. Nice = presents, naughty = no presents. Plus; every morning The Elf sets the family a mischievous task.

Every bloomin' morning!

The Elf on our kitchen table always collapses on his side overnight. Next morning he looks like he let himself go at his office party and was refused a cab. Shabby. Oh, and the naughty/nice thing is a straight nick from Santa (proper tradition, Santa's 4th century).

Not exactly Tolkien, this Elf On The Shelf is it?

There's been hoohah Stateside. Child psycholgists and educationalists are lining up to warn that it prepares children for being scrutinised by unseen forces and that good behavour (kindness, thoughfulness, politeness) shouldn't be in pursuit of tacky gifts.

My beef is different, it's this.

Parents of small children have quite enough on their plate without another complicated and sometimes expensive task at the end of the day.

Running a young family in modern times is already as hard as it gets, especially if one or both partners work. Double ditto if someone is bringing up little ones alone.

I mean; look at the Holiday schedule. Trick or Treat is followed by Firework Fortnight (in the USA it's Thanksgiving) Then comes Black Friday. Then the Nativity Play, gifts to buy and wrap. Somewhere around this point in the calendar young parents have to tool up with a toy Elf and an endless supply of mischievous tasks and build a fancy display; but not until the kids have finally nodded off.

Every night!

Apparently plenty of parents get competitive with each other, creating ever-more complex tasks and (obviously) boasting about them on social media. 

Some poor parents get left behind by it all. They go through the motions, but would rather re-charge their batteries after a long day's slog. A bedtime story, a peck on the head; then feet up.

I mean to say; what with all the shopping and decorating and gifts; parents are running on fumes.

And a tight budget.

Luckily, my current foster kids don't care for The Elf. For them the whole nonsense is too juvenile for street-wise folk such as them.

My Blue Sky social worker reminds me that Christmas is the busiest time for children coming into care. Reckons it's largely down to alcohol (or whatever) and being cooped up together for so long.

But perhaps the relentless pursuit of joy (an elusive quarry no?) has something to do with it.

PS I mentioned "The Elf On The Shelf" to my social worker when we hooked up a couple of mornings ago. She has a four year old, and is doubtless a wonderful and tireless parent. When I uttered the dreaded Elf word…you should have seen the look on her face...