CONTACT JOY

So we had a strange 'contact' meeting between eldest foster child and a couple of members of his real family.

We had to do it outdoors, so we met up in a park. 

We had to keep our distance so we laid out cushions on blankets 2 metres apart.

We brought some snacks, still in their wrappers, which we sprayed with anti-bacteria and wiped dry as we handed them round.

Sounds like a nightmare? Yes, but it wasn't. It was delightful. 

Much better than normal contact meetings. Normal contact meetings between 'children in care and their significant others' are just as sterile as they sound, described like that…

They happen in contact centres which are either designated buildings or rented spaces with token chairs and used toys and posters blue tacked to the wall informing about the services that social services offer. Or else they get jazzed up by happening at a 'fun' venue such as one of those places with thousands of balls you can dive into.

One way or the other, contacts are artificial. The participants often feel singled out as different from everyone else; because only children in care have 'contact'.

Our meet-up in the park was gloriously the same as everyone else. We didn't stand out at all. No-one would have guessed it was anything other than an extended family having fun and behaving responsibly. I've never heard a better natter between a foster child and his elder sister, they bonded better than I ever thought possible;

"Heard from mum?"

"Nothing. Does anyone know where she is?"

"Nah, you know what she's like."

"I kind of hope she's alright."

"Yeah, I suppose. You alright?"

"Yeah not bad. How's school?"

"Good. I like working at home. How's work?"

"Good thanks, except I have to work every other weekend.."

And so on and so on. Beautiful. 

Then we played a socially distanced game of cricket. Brilliant.

When we got home eldest foster child was happy as could be.

The pandemic is dreadful, spreading death and illness, fear and mistrust. 

All I'm saying is that our last contact was one of the best ever, should be a blueprint for a happier healthier future.

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PRINCE HARRY AND FOSTERED CHILDREN

Prince Harry's problem photos is a news story that touches three big fostering things: Nudity, Mobile Phones and the News itself.

THE NEWS

Nowadays, all parents have to be John Craven (the original children's news man). Up comes the six o'clock news; a child is murdered by a parent, figures show the number of children in care is rising, someone who worked in a children's home is arrested. 
So how do we explain why it's such a big deal that a man called Prince Harry has had his photo taken with no clothes on. I told mine this:

 "Harry has had a hard time. His mummy was killed in a car crash, and his daddy married another lady, who was his girlfriend all the time he was married to Harry's mummy. Harry's mummy was sad about this and had boyfriends too, which Harry probably knew about. Some cruel people have teased Harry that he's not even the son of his daddy. Harry's uncle and aunt have both had unhappy marriages, and his grandad keeps being taken to hospital. Harry is a brave soldier, but from time to time goes a bit off the rails, but he's getting better as he gets older."

I waited for someone to say "Shouldn't he have been taken into care then?" But they just shrugged and watched the next story about the man who was desperate to die...



NUDITY

For Carers, our upstairs landing becomes a No-Man's land. We and our children can no longer, ever, zip across from bedroom to bathroom half dressed. We have to ensure our looked-afters are fully dressed or wearing full PJ's and dressing gown on the landing, and get fully dressed before coming downstairs. But it gets more complicated: they get the flu and are off school. I used to tuck our own children up on the sofa downstairs with a blanket so they can watch cartoons. Is this okay? Try explaining to a 6 year old why girls have to wear a top and boys don't. A No-Man's land? More like a minefield.

I once spent four months going to bed dressed. The child had a tendency to leave the house, and my best chance of getting to the front gate in time was to be togged up and set for the off: track suit trousers, running socks, T shirt, training shoes unlaced and wide open at the bedside.

MOBILE PHONES

A few years ago the only technology us fosterers had to worry about was laptops, and life was a doddle. "No laptops in the bedroom". Easy. If in doubt turn off the router! Happy days. 
Now their mobile phones can get on the internet, their real parents are prone to topping it up, the message sites are cheap as chips, they can send and receive instant photos, even home made videos. At a support meeting one carer said "I put a bowl on the telephone table and made a rule that his phone should be there all night. It was. What I didn't know was he'd bought a second phone and would switch the Sim card to his secret one and use that all night!"



The Secret Foster Carer

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