HEADS WE WIN

 A reader, "Lilbets" asks how things are going with eldest foster child's resolution to geet me with a cheery "Good morning!" instead of the usual grump.

The novelty lasted for…

…one morning. 

Had my hopes, but did anyone expect anything better than that? 

Not me. I bet not Lilibets too, much as I feel Lilibets is on side. I suspect Lilibets knows which way is up. But; there is a big "but" namely that although I don't get the ultra-flamboyant Hollywood-esque Von Trapp children's nauseating cheerfulness, there has been a detectable improvement in disposition.

Now, and teenage child is duty-bound not to come over all nice as pie, because that would be, to them, a capitulation. Not only that, it would be stretching things a bit because the child would have had to concentrate really hard coming down the stairs and on top of everything, that kind of greeting is toungue in cheek, almost a micky take.

But I've ALWAYS found in fostering, where the child needs help with something, the progress is so slow you can hardly notice it and this is what has emerged the big win of the "Good Morning" resolution.

He's marginally, slightly, only a tiny bit better, but you'd need an atomic miscroscope to get anything concrete. It's in the air that surrounds him. It's a slight raising of the temperature, a lightning of the dark cloud that hovers over him (except when he's watching a Simpsons).

For example, he came down from his room on Sunday and plonked himself on a kitchen chair with only me there, and asked me what he should do with his hair. Sounds nothing to many people, but not we fosterers.

Many children in care need control. They've had such little control during the chaos of their real homes that they crave ownership; of themselves and their property.  This is why I get co-operation at bathtime with my much-trumpeted technique of getting them into the bathroom by saying;

"Which woud you like; a bath or a shower?"

The question appears to give them control, while actually it's me that's getting their own way.

So; for a child to risk handing control of something as personal and prized as his hair is a huge moment.

Huge.

It got better. I keep some electric clippers in a kitchen drawer, he knows where they are because he often takes them up to his room to do a bit of hair maintenance.

This time he asked me to have a go at it. He's seen me cut other people's hair in the kitchen, he knows there've been no disasters.

Nevertheless, it's a big something for a teenage child in care to trust his look with his foster mum.

And so okay, he's stopped his jaunty "Good Morning!" but replacing it is a closer relationship.

The very act of cutting his hair (he wanted a number two on the sides and a bit off the top but the front bit left to grow) meant I had to get in his space, something he's previously been wary of.

So, Lilbets; thanks for asking. I'd take what he ended up giving over what I'd asked for any day.