LIVING A STRANGER'S DREAMS

 We're at the end of our most recent placement, a Parent and Child. A young father and his toddler daughter. The daughter's mother disappeared and the estranged father showed up claiming he could parent her. He was an unlikely dad; he had no job and nowhere to live. Social Services decided to place them with us to assess his parenting. There was a hint of the possibility that he was using the situation to get himself socially housed, poor lad. The conclusion of the Local Authority was that the father can't parent; so the child is to be removed from him and given up for adoption.

We gave him every chance. I showed him everything I knew, and really needed my Blue Sky Social Worker to help me deal with the possibility things wouldn't work out for them.

He was informed of their decision, I don't know exactly how as he was asked to attend their nearby offices to get the verdict. I guess that was in case he took it badly. He was matter of fact about it. I suspect it's not the first time he sufferred disappointment and failure. His Social Worker accompanied him back to our house for him to say goodbye to his daughter and to collect his things. His Social Worker handled the whole episode for which I'm grateful, I mean…what could a mere fosterer say?

He had to pack his things and go. He told them he would be able to get a roof over his head as he knew someone whose sofa he was familiar with. As for the daughter, Suzuki, she seemed numb. She'd only known her dad for a few days longer than she knew me and I'd established much more of a bond with her than her dad did, even though I knew she wouldn't be with us for long.

She even calls me "Nana".

Did I contemplate adopting her?

Do bears s**t in the woods?

But it was a pipe dream; I'm not approved to adopt. The process of being approved for adoption is long and thorough (quite rightly) and having approval to foster cuts no corners. I could have asked to foster her until my paperwork came through but that might take over a year. The fact is that Social Services are mighty cash-strapped and understandably preferred the child to go straight to a waiting adopting family. Of course I get that. I also get that the waiting family might have been desperate to start their adoption adventure and the sooner the girl is settled the better for all.

So good luck to them, and all my respect.

However, she's going to be with us for one more night as, although the Local Authority has a family in mind, there's a few lower case js and fs to dot and cross.

I'm looking at her now, playing with one of the dog's toys on the kitchen floor under my feet, so innocent of all the strangeness that's beset her short life 'til now.

I'm doing that thing lots of us in fostering do when a child is leaving us. I'm picturing her as a young adult and imagining her making a life for herself. I've seen enough native intelligence in her (I watch their eyes, they can tell you the quality of the thinking that's going on) and I'm confident she'll do more than well at school. She seems settled in herself which means she stands a better than even chance of being emotionally well.

Now I get giddy; there she goes off to University. Oxford, naturally.

There she is gliding down the aisle a radiant bride, wow look at all that confetti!

What a lovely mum she is now with..let me count; one, two three..four. Four children! 

Is there a word for projecting glorious hopes and dreams for someone you've only just met and who won't be any part of your life ahead?

I don't think there is, because I doubt anyone but people who foster know the feeling, and fostering like we do it wasn't around back when they were inventing words...