CONTACT

 So Saul has been with us just over a week.

He's still in that 'honeymoon' period of being polite and co-operative, but that will change, mainly because his next Contact is pencilled in for two days time. 'Contact' for anyone new to fostering is a requirement. It's written in to law that children in care must meet with significant others at least once a woeek. Those who made the law had the very best intentions of maintaining the bond between the child and her family with a view to easing the process of reconciliation. Unfortunately it often has an upsetting influence on the child. 

We're anticipating difficulties as the child has been removed from his parents home, then in short order removed from the home of his aunt. Saul is confused and probably racked with guilt. It's amazing how often children in care think the problems that caused the break-up of their home are all their fault. So Saul has got himself some kind of double jeopardy.

He's pencilled in to see his mother. I'll be taking him to the Contact which will happen at a specially designated Contact Centre, where the 60 minute Contact will be supervised by a professional. In the past I haven't been given any direct feedback on how the Contacts went, but I know notes are taken.

Must be difficult for the parent or whichever relative is having Contact with the chid having someone never mind observing but maybe making notes. I guess it's all for the best, but the tension must be high at times.

I've talked before about how I try to clear the child's mind when we get into the car to drive home after Contact. I use a shameless tactic of distraction, namely asking the child to look out for a petrol station which has a shop. I let the child know that in the shop they can spend £1 on anything they want. This fills their mind with 2 things;

1. What sort of sweets they can buy for £1.

2. Can they negotiate the sum upwards from £1.

It's blatant, I know. It's sugar and chocolate, I know.

But hey, who said adults had the sole rights to comfort eating?

And Saul, like many children coming into care, is big on food.

He's got his bowl of fruit in his room, everything in it belongs to him. He knows what times are breakfast, lunch and tea and that a bag of crisps or an energy bar between meals can be done. He knows we never pile his plate high for him, but allow him to choose his own vegetables and set his own portion sizes.

I know his favourite meals now, I also know nothing gives him more peace than a bowl of microwaved popcorn in front of one of the many fantastic animated movies they do these days.

I'm just hoping to goodness that the sweet thing after Contact helps, because he's due his first meltdown anytime soon and at the very least the sweet thing will keep it from happening in the car.

Which you don't want...