IT'S THE MOST COMPLICATED TIME OF THEY YEAR...

 In fostering it's never too early to start thinking about Christmas.

It's eleven weeks away, but Sky have already got their Christmas Movies channel up and running.

We fostering folk have to start thinking about how it's going to work for us because, unless you have the same children as the Christmas before, every Christmas is very different.

And Blue Sky have kicked the conversation off with their Carers, asking if the looked-after children have talked about it to them, and if they haven't we should maybe start getting some information. We could try asking questions such as;

"What was your last Christmas like?"

Unless you know otherwise it's best not to ask questions such as;

"What did you get for Christmas last year?", because some children got nothing. Unbelievably, one child we had for a Christmas had never recieved a present in their life, and parroted what they had heard as the reason, namely that Christmas is "Too expensive."

So, first off, you have to tread warily.

The information you need is all about understanding their expectations. For children who have regular contact with their parents/significant others we fosterers have to gather clues as to who they want to spend Christmas with, and for how long. 

Often you get situations where the child's real parents live separately, and you find their preference determined by which of their parents new partners they dislike the least.

The chidren don't get to make the final decisions, because the Social Workers may know more than they do about the domestic scenarios at their home.

I've mentioned it before, but it's more true now than ever; households that are vulnerable to chaos are more likely to have a breakdown over Christmas than at any other time of the year. Families are jammed together, there's booze aplenty and old tensions re-surface.

The children must not get caught in the crossfire.

Then there are other factors, such as the importance that your own family has the Christmas they want too.

Which can mean all sorts of complications, because if you come from a big family the business of who goes to who's for Christmas dinner is often ridiculously over-important to some family members.

Other complications; do you spend the same amount on presents for your foster child as you spent on your own when they were the same age? After all, the foster children will get presents from their own family too (hopefully).

Then there's the simple fact that some families are toning down the whole Christmas hoo-hah, sometimes because it IS too expensive, or else it's just a load of work for next-to-nothing. 

Then there's this; we live in a wonderfully diverse country.

At my first Blue Sky Christmas lunch there we all were sat at long tables. 

I got talking to the young couple oppisite, who I'd pulled crackers with. We'd put on those silly paper hats and told each other the feeble jokes. There was wine, but they didn't touch it. 

I asked them how they'd spend Christmas day and they replied:

"Well, we're Muslim. If we don't have a placement it'll be just another Tuesday in our house. But if we have a placement and they are going to be with us on Christmas Day, and Christmas matters to them, we're going to do all the traditions and trimming. Decorations, tree, presents, turkey."

"Flippin' heck!" I said, "You're going the whole hog?!"

"No." they laughed, "We're Muslim, we will draw the line at hog…"