MIND YOUR LANGUAGE

 Ok so the complexities of fostering a transitioning child.

Try this one.

Before you do, can I make one thing crystal clear. I love this work to bits and am uplifted each and every day by the fun and joy of helping these kids on their way.

So;

He wanted a lift to school, which he didn't need as he has a bus pass, but he gets nervous if the bus driver says or does anything with him he might interpret wrong, as he's highly sensitive about being misconcieved as female. Doesn't want to hear 'Luv' or 'Darlin', things people say innocently but unthinkingly.

No problem, I drive him in.

Happy to enjoy his company.

Only this particular morning he's fuming. We set off and he's straight into his anger;

"Why did you call me 'her' just now?"

Me; "What? I never did!"

"You friggin' did! I hate it when you do that. Don't you realise what I'm going through?"

"What are you on about? I never called you 'her'"

"Yes you did. I heard you. You said to dad 'I'm going to take Tyler down to school and then go on to Tesco and get her some tea."

"I never said that!"

"Yes you did. I heard you. You didn't know I was in the hall. So yeah, you still think I'm a girl."

OK I could spin the argument out as long as it took, but it boiled down to this;

I'd said to my other half, standing in the kitchen;

"I'll take Tyler to school and then go to Tesco and get us some tea."

Say it to yourself.

If the 's' sounds of 'us' and 'some' fuse together, like they can do when we speak, it could easily sound like "get her some tea."

I had to fight my corner all the way to the school gates.

I argued that I've never had to go to the supermarket for one individual family member so the words "he" or "she" have never featured; only "us".

No dice Chicago.

All I could do was implore that I only, ever, totally, saw him and see him as who he knows he is.

He got out of the car crying quietly.

I sent him a text from the fruit aisle saying sorry I got upset.

I got a reply over by the wine section saying he was sorry too. 

Come tea time all forgotten, that is, no further argument.

Going to be watching and listening for other difficulties.

And going to be careful with words in future. 

No, going to be ultra-careful.

If a job's worth doing it's worth doing well.

There's no job more worth doing than fostering.