A BREAKTHROUGH IS A BREAKTHROUGH

 I'm told there are several categories of foster parents.

Actually there are probably thousands, as in everyone is unique, and there are thousands of fostering folk.

Not enough fostering folk to deal with the demand sadly, but that's another thing.

Each category of foster parents have a lot in common. Resilience, for example. Common sense. Pride in the job.

However there are differences that divvy us up a bit, and, such is human nature, each category feels protective and supportive of their own.

For exampe, carers who deal mainly in respite, or emergency care are drawn to each other at meetings and social events.

My schtick is treating each child as if they're my own, and therefore I'm always on the lookout for encouraging little developments.

When a child comes to me and our family, they are family until they go. 

It doesn't work for other carers, and that's to be respected. We all do a difficult job, and can only use the tools that life has given us.

Example;

One of our current brood of foster kids has a hard time engaging. It's as though she knows she's not much good at empathy, small talk and joshing, all the stuff many take for granted.

It leaves her sad, and us sad too. We know why she feels excluded, it's down to her rotten early homelife,

Anyway, this happened, the kind of breakthrough you live for.

One of our family's friends came for a cup of tea and a chat. She's younger than me, and has a 15 month old baby girl. She brought a wee Christmas present for each of our kids, a nice touch.

So, our hard-to-engage foster child shyly showed up and clearly planned to stay only long enough to be polite, then shoot off back to the safety of her bedroom.

But something happened between the toddler and the foster kid.

The toddler picked up a little plastic ball that had been lying on the floor and threw it across the room. Then the toddler pointed to foster child.

Foster child seemed to feel at ease with the toddler, who wasn't going to try to involve her in an intrusive conversation or patronise her in any way.

Foster child took the cue and went and fetched the ball, then gave it to the toddler. Who promptly threw it across the room then pointed at the foster child again.

This 'game' went on for 20 minutes, unti it was time for my friends to leave.

Foster child followed us out to their car.

When the toddler was strapped into her car seat she could just about reach the side window, and she pressed her hand against it looking for foster child. Who reciprocated, pressing a hand against the outside of the glass.

I remarked, as casually as I could;

"Looks like you've made a friend there."

Foster child said nothing, which is par for the course generally.

Obviously I'm doing cartwheels inside.

Then, to make matters even greater, as the friends drove away, foster child said to me, very softly;

"When are they coming again?"

It's now several days on from this fantastic moment and foster child has clearly made a leap forward, not that most people would notice, but fostering sharpens the senses alright.

I made a note of the event in my record book, as always a tad understated;

"Child X is starting to head in the right direction with social engagement."