DE-CLUTTERING

 It's February out there, and amazingly my New Year Resolutions are going strong.

In truth they aren't formal New Year Resolutions, they're merely things I've decided to try to do.

There's two of them.

On the surface they've got nothing to do with fostering, but then while I was thinking about them while walking back from the shops a couple of days ago I realised that they are very much things that apply to looking after the children of troubled families.

The first one is this; I'm not going to buy any more clothes. I've got enough. I don't need anything else, except maybe a pair of shoes when the many I already own have worn out.

Not only that I went through my wardrobe and pulled out everything I never wear, and will never wear again, and dropped them off at a charity shop.

So what's this all about and what's it got to do with fostering?

It started when I was offered a YouTube video in which a man explained how not to be poor. He said you should avoid getting in debt, and don't buy clothes you don't need.

The man was called Warren Buffett and he's worth listening to because he's from time to time the richest man in the world. Plus he's very down to earth. He drives an eleven year old car which he bought second hand and still lives in the house he bought when he didn't own a cent.

But the clothes thing won't be easy for me, I like browsing clothes shops and often 'treat' myself. Mind, I often get a bout of buyers remorse.

Throwing out all my unwanted stuff was an effort, painful almost. It spoke to me of bad decisions. I tried to convince myself that kulotts might come back in.

Basically, I couldn't let go.

Letting go. So important!

People who've had a hard time feel a need to turn it over in their mind for a while, then let go. 

Letting it go; something we could all benefit from doing. Foster children especially. They dwell at their peril. If we can help them recover and put a smile on their faces, we're getting something right. An important something.

The other thing I'm doing now is this;

I found that all day long I was noticing little jobs that wanted doing. I couldn't go past the kitchen sink if someone had left a peanut-butter smeared knife in, without stopping and washing it up.

I couldn't see a sock poking out from under the sofa without collecting it up. Then start fretting about where the other one might be.

What I've been doing recently is not bothering so much with trying to make everything exactly right. I'm training myself to not notice things that aren't as good as they should be. 

This easy-going way with the fact that life can never be 100% perfect, and nor can fostering. 

I guess both of my little resolutions amount to the same thing; finding peace of mind in not minding about things that don't matter.

We had a foster child stay with us who had her unique set of troubles which I'd like to share but won't.

During one particularly intense late-night meltdown I tried this;

"Let's have a takeaway. What do you fancy?"

Worked a ruddy treat, she changed down ten gears and inevitably said;

"McDonalds."

It was late but I worked out if we drove straight there we had a squeak. Me in my dressing gown, putting on a proper pair of shoes on the run to the car.

We returned successful, her munching from the bag as I drove.

Then, this little girl with so much pain and fear stacked up her locker said out loud - more to herself than me:

"Ain't the moon beautiful…"

Anyone who fosters knows that the moments when the poetry of a newborn foal, a budding snowdrop, anything by the Beatles… simply floods the heart.

Foster children rarely expereience peaceful joy.

And the thing about my "Resolutions"? I have reminded myself to lead by example.

I can't help them find hapiness if my mind is packed with clutter.