GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

 One of the first things that goes straight to the back of your mind when a new child arrives is that the job is about getting them back to their birth parents' home.

You find you SO want to make it work for your whole household that the thought of them one day packing a bag to leave your house, your home, your family…FOREVER…simply doesn't get a look in.

This is where your Social Worker kicks in, gently reminding you that the child's parents and home life are making progress, sorting out their chaos, getting their act together. The SW talks to the child, exploring the child's thoughts and feelings about going back. Sometimes they can't wait, other times they've got reservations but don't have the confidence to voice them. You have to suss them out.

For example, if a child was neglected or worse, and they're old enough to understand, they might have grown to appreciate regular meals, the abscence of shouting (unless it's the child sometimes!) and being surrounded by adults who are sober, clear headed, reliable, fair and lacking the short fuse. When the birth parents start getting hold of things, provided it's true, I always try to keep the child apprised of the progress that's being made at their birth home.

Ok. So far so good.

Then comes the bombshell, which can go like this;

"If it's just as bad as before can I come and stay with you again?"

Or something like that.

I've even had;

"Why don't my mum and dad come and live with us in your house so they can see what a proper mum and dad are like?"

Honest. Those were the exact words. Heartbreaking no?

In answer I always try for the truth, age-appropriate. I explain that the process of court orders and other checks and paperwork would have to happen, but that in theory if it didn't work out, then they could indeed come back to us. It's only happened twice in the whole time I've fostered and one of those occasions was halfway between a secondary respite and a short-term placement. My old friend the 'greay area' shows up. plenty of times in fostering.

But more usually they want to get back home regardless; jumo back into the mix.

When the great day of them going home comes I help them pack their bag and round up their things from around the house. I promise that if I do come across their missing spare charge lead I'll give it to Blue Sky to post to them. I've probably mentioned elsewhere that I've never had the address of a child's birth home, and a parent of a child in my care has only on one occasion found out where I live and got into big trouble for doing it.

Then off they go! In a Social Workers car, grinning and waving to me, or often as not miming crying and waving.

And as life and fostering goes on each and every child who's come into your care pops into your mind and you cross your fingers for them.

But a child going means you've got a spare bedroom, and soon the phone will start dancing and you'll hear the magic words;

"Would you consider taking a child who…?"