FOSTERING'S HONEYMOON PERIOD

 Been a hectic couple of days. A new child coming into the home takes up all one's attention.

So much for the foster parent to learn. And teach.

It's an even bigger thing for every child coming into care.

Jeez, think about it.

When I was age ten I discovered I was being sent to live for a week with my mum's best friend, Vera Caldicott. She had two sons, the eldest being about my age.

I was given no breakdown on why I was being farmed out, except to get a whiff that a) it would be good for me and b) that Vera's eldest child Malcolm was a handful, and that, because my mum was a head teacher we could have Malcolm stay with us on a return visit and she could help 'get him in hand'.

The week I spent with the Caldicotts remains a fresh memory for me. An experience which was half good half bad.

I mention this because it's crucial to try to imagine how things are for a child coming into care.

If we foster parents go the lazy way we say to ourselves; "Well, they've had a rough time in a mixed-up home, all I have to do is keep my home ticking over and they'll relax in the peace and harmony."

That thinking's a bit wrong.

See, every child coming into care has had to endure years of a chaotic home life, followed by a removal from their significant others, followed by finding themselves plugged into a family of strangers and lodged in a home where they don't know anything about what's where and how the toilet flushes.

So. Our latest foster child, Alicia, has been settling in for a few days.

The arrival of a new foster child is almost always an utter pleasure. The child is usually quiet, polite and compliant. It's called the honeymoon period, which lasts about 10 days to 3 weeks.

Then the child pays their foster parent the ultimate compliment. The child demonstrates that they trust their foster parent/parents…by having a meltdown.

Alicia remains, after 4 or 5 days, charming and ultra-co-operative.

But I know that some sort of storm is brewing, and a justifiable one too.

Alicia, as I mentioned in an earlier post, is transitioning. 

Transitioning is a new thing for me in fostering, although Blue Sky paid for me to go on a 5 star course on it, which is probably why they came to me with Alicia.

The first things I notice about Alicia is a huge intelligence. Then I notice a heartfelt kindness. Followed by an integrity. 

I'm deeply impressed by Alicia.

However, Alicia has a mountain to climb, a mountain Alicia has stared at and decided to climb, and my proud job as the foster mum is to be Alicia's sherpa.

When I came into fostering I seem to remember that the issue of transitioning simply didn't exist; there were people who cross-dressed and that was about it. And that was somehow different - or so it seemed.

I'm looking forward to chatting with Alicia - if they want to - about themself and how life is.