THE MYSTERIES OF "MATE"

 A new foster child takes all your focus. You have to consciously remember to look after all the other people in your life, not to mention yourself.

Our new child, Alicia, is pretty undemanding. Quiet, no wobblies, maybe a bit scatty with apple cores and crisp packets. Normal teen stuff really.

But every foster child brings their foster parents some new things to get our head's around. In Alicia's case it's mainly one big thing; she's transitioning. Used to be male, is now female. Aged 14.

Alicia is a wonderful young person. She's cheerful, happy-go-lucky, positive and rock solid. She helps around the house, is supportive and engaging with our other youngsters. 

But, like people everywhere, she has her sad moments. What happened was this;

It was late afternoon and the family were coming home from school. I'd done the school run for youngest and was, as usual, in the kitchen as the others arrived. Every afternoon I'd hear the front door open and call out "Hiya! Alright?". I'd hear shoes hit the floor and grunted sounds of reply. I know their moods after a long day and can guage how they are feeling, but with a new addition to the family I need to be on my toes.

Alicia is now the last to get home, she has 2 bus trips to connnect. She gets home from school just before 5 o'clock.  Before being in care she'd been able to walk to school, not that she hardly ever did.

Alicia had begun to make a slight 'thing' about her long day, and with good reason. Children in care have plenty of good reasons to feel wronged, it's our job to nurse all their woes.

She came through the door and didn't respond to my "Hiya!"

Alicia ran upstairs and closed her bedroom door loudly, though it didn't amount to a slam.

I wanted to run up and check on her, but I've become wiser.

She was quiet at tea, pushing her sausage, mash and beans around the plate. I could tell she was wanting to talk.

Now, when a foster child needs to talk, the art is to find the moment. Which (sigh) never presents itself. So you have to force the issue.

I nabbed Alicia while she was helping me clear the table and stack the dishwasher;

Me "How was your day?'

Alicia; "Alright".

Me: "Really though?"

Alicia; "Maybe."

Me: "Funny old day?"

Alicia; "Kind of..."

So we chatted while fixing the kitchen. I sought the moment.

The reason Alicia was upset?

A bus driver called her "Mate".

She now wants to walk to school, which is impractical, but a measure of how deep she was hurt. Mind, I'm not convinced the driver mistook her for male, I sometimes say "Hi guys" or even "Hi mate" if I'm not sure.

Turned out the only reason she had any kind of conversation with him was because her bus pass isn't valid yet, so she pays cash. That turns the moment into an engagement, which backfired for her. When she has her pass she only has to flash it and the driver doesn't really look, never mind speak.

I'm going to drive her to and from school until then, which cramps my day, but it's for the best.

Another wrinkle bites the dust.