AREN'T BEDTIMES TRICKY?

 Why foster? 

Because, generally speaking, it's the about the best thing you can do in life. At least, that's my view.

You get to take a vulnerable, innocent child under your wing and help them on their way.

The children don't always understand what you're doing for them, no matter. You do it.

They certainly don't understand two big things that are new to them when they come into your care.

They don't understand Contact or bedtimes.

"Contact" is where a child in care is taken to spend time with a significant family member, almost always a parent, usually once a week. The child doesn't understand why, if the parent has loused up their parenting, the child has to spend time with them in a neutral location, but then the child has to go home with the foster parent.

Contact is usually once a week.

Bedtime is every night…

Children coming into fostering often have had no experience of bedtime routines, so they struggle.

Avril came to us aged eleven, we'd not been fostering long so were on a steep learning curve.

We'd had children of our own and had experience of their resitance to getting ready for bed. The sequance of going upstairs, putting on pyjamas, staying upstairs and everything in between.

Avril opened our eyes. I've talked to a lot of foster parents who say the same; you have to learn to enjoy a new set of ideas about bedtime, but once you do it's happy days.

We tried to give Avril the same routine as our own children. So, at a set time it would be bathtime followed by pyjamas then a story then lights down.

With Avril that sequence always ended in tears at some point.

Together with our Blue Sky social worker we began to piece together the experience Avril had endured at 'bedtime'.

We talked to Avril about her previous 'bedtimes'.

Turned out that 'bedtime' in her house of chaos was fraught, frantic and frightening.

It was often preceded by the doorbell and her mother saying "There's a bloke I'm expecting, so get upstairs and put yourself to bed, and I don't want to hear a peep out of you unless I need you down here. Scram!"

We filed what she told us in our regular reports, and Blue Sky alerted the police that two things she told us amounted to disclosures of possible criminal acts that had not previously been picked up and required investigation.

Criminal.

And there we were saying "Hey ho, eight o'clock time to hop into the tub then snuggle down for a story."

Nightly bathtimes were ditched, as was any mention of 'bedtime'.

Avril now stayed fully clothed and lay next to me on the sofa while Eastenders eventually became News At Ten. She'd doze, in and out, but try to stay awake. Stay awake for historic reasons I can't betray.

My other half would ask every half hour "Is she gone?" By "gone" he meant solidly asleep.

Her house-clothes were pretty much approximately pyjamas, so I'd carry her up and lay her in bed. New underwear in the morning. 

In fostering one's encouraged to talk - discreetly - about fostering to close and trusted friends. I'm afraid my gang were unanimous that I was relinquishing control, failing to meet her sleep needs, and the rest.

But Blue Sky got what we were doing; soothing Avril's savage brow.

Avril was with us for 7 months, and we helped her on her way.

Our next placement had problems with…

Contact and bedtimes.

His problem with Contact was exactly like all the others.

His problems with bedtimes, like every foster child, were unique to him.

Game on all over again.

You're never bored in fostering...