Is there trouble in fostering? Challenges?
Of course, from time to time. "Expect the unexpected" I often say, but only now and then.
Look, there's trouble in every family no matter how conventionally blessed. Ask the Windsors. Ask the Von Trapps.
Blue Sky is often approached by people wondering about fostering who are thinking; "Would they want me? Would I be any good? Me with a messy divorce and a son who hasn't spoken to his father for ten years?"
Our social workers reply; "We need people who've had life experience."
I know it sounds glib but it's the honest truth. The normal messy things in life that we deal with before fostering help people be an informed foster parent.
Wrapped in cotton wool? No thanks.
This episode stays with me from a while back;
I'd been asked by Blue Sky to be at meeting of people who'd expressed an interest in becoming foster parents. My role would be to tell it how it is, no sugaring of the pill, but at the same time tell my personal truth, namely that fostering is the best thing ever.
The Blue Sky person asked the room of about 30 people to introduce themselves and say a few words about why they were interested in fostering.
The room was mostly female, and mostly aged about 30-50. There were some younger people, some older ones, and a couple of couples. Most were dressed casually: hoodies, supermarket jeans.
Obviously, like everone else, I was intrigued as to who we all were.
First to introduce herself was a cheery lady and her partner. He had recently left his job as a driver due to what he called nighmare EU red tape.
Next was a young woman from the Ivory Coast whose husband was a retired architect.
Then came a woman aged about the same as me who said she wanted to foster because she'd had a wretched childhood and had been fostered, and wanted to give something back.
The next person was a woman who had worked in offices all her life and wanted to break out.
We then heard from a charming young Muslim couple.
The next lady to speak seemed a bit of a fish-out-of-water. She wore a pearlised necklace and a pastal blouse that picked out the cream in her trousers. Her patent handbag matched her patent shoes. Her hair was fresh from the hairdressers and her eye make-up was what she thought was too subtle for anyone to notice.
At least, that's how I remember her. But I remember with total clarity her first words:
"I would hope," she began by saying "That I won't be hearing any bad language."
I was gobsmacked. The best I could do was; "Er…well…"
She: "I won't have swearing in my house".
It was the first thing she said!
What could one say? The room went quiet. Stunned, actually.
The fact is that fostering is like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.
Get offered, that is. No foster parent is required to take a child whose profile they have concerns about. And if your first question is going to be "Does he/she ever swear?" You're never, ever going to hear the reply "Apparently not. He/she is a devout non-swearer".
It's the only time I've ever met a would-be foster parent to whom I'd consider showing the door. Fostering needs every foster parent we can get. Blue Sky works tirelessly with every new recruit to line us up for fostering, but I suspect they put a line through her for plenty of other reasons.
One reason though, might have been that the lady simply hadn't been exposed to the outside world and the chaos of life. Or, if she had, she was determined to pretend she hadn't, and was above what she saw as that sort of emotional squalor.
Of the other people at the event? To the best of my knowledge all were accepted on to the next round of approval, and, again to my knowledge, all are flourishing in fostering.
Bl**dy good job too!
0 comments:
Post a Comment