IF A CHILD BECOMES "PERMANENT"

 We're going through a period with our middle foster child which some are describing as "seismic".

Now, I try to keep fostering on an even keel. Keep a lid on.The easiest way to work up a foster child is to make a big deal of anything.

For example, there's a poet, Lemn Sissay, who was a foster child and remembers being removed from a foster home by the foster parents' because he'd been caught taking a biscuit from the jar. I seem to recall the foster parents were devout Christians, no judgement on this blog, do so if you want.

What I'm saying is they made the mountain out of a molehill.

Big mistake.

What's going on in our home is this; middle foster child is being made a "Permanent".  That is to say, they become a formal member of our family. No going home for the child. His parents whereabouts are unknown and his significant others are each and every one of them incapable. Mental health.

The child is an orphan, in effect.

So he's joining our family.

You might ask; "Why not adopt?"

We offered but the child is old enough and bright enough to have a say in things, and, to everyone's surprise, has said that he wants to keep things as they are.

See; "No big deals please".

However, there are procedures. When a foster child becomes permanent there's a bit of a fuss, and it might seem to the child to be a big fuss about nothing. This is where my casual approach comes in.

Our social workers, our Blue Sky SW, and the local authority one, have been brilliant as ever.

They sought confirmation that our other family members would be ok with what they have to categorise as a change, which they did with great sensitivity, and got the information they sought.

Once that was done, and the child's school officers had been informed, the child's NHS records updated with his new permament address and new GP, the process got sent 'upstairs' - for want of a better word - for the big guns to chew on.

I wasn't ready for the razzamataz.

Blue Sky were professional and relaxed about it; their top brass are re-assuringly cool and take things in their stride.

But the further it went up the local authority food chain, the bigger the frisson reaction.

It reached a crescendo when the Head of Social Services; yep the HEAD, announced he was going to personally host the event at Social Services headquarters at which the change would be formally rubber-stamped.

For goodness sake!

Blue Sky advised us to go along with the jamboree. Blue Sky work hard to stay on good terms with social services, and they explained to me that having a foster child achieve permanent status is a big feather in the cap. Doesn't happen very often, so when it does the Local Authority like to push the boat out and amplify just how succesful their care programmes can be.

The event was a PR thing!

It fell to me to put a tin lid on the shenanigans so the child didn't get anxious or worked up.

I'd told the child in a matter-of-fact way that they were needed to sit in a boring meeting. I said they could sit at the back and wouldn't be required to say or do anything. It meant a day off school, which always helps, plus I promised to bookend the 'meeting' with a trip to MacDonalds, and follow it up with ice cream.

However…when we arrived we were shown into some sort of presentation zone. It was rammed. Heads of department, office bods, pen-pushers, bottle-washers. The dreaded accounts team.

Standing room only.

We were the only ones without bar-coded lanyards.

For goodness sake x2!

Me and foster child sat at the back hoping no-one would notice.

Announcements were made about the reason for the event, applause. Then the turn of the HEAD of Social Services.

He rose in his three piece suit and paused for effect.

Then he didn't stop. For 45 minutes.

He informed everyone how he had risen through the ranks to proudly become HEAD of Social Services.

He told the audience how much it meant to him to be of service and have the opportunity to help people and help society.

I found myself wondering where he'd been at 2.00am when our foster child was having night terrors, or a meltdown on the way home from Contact?

From the look of him, he was on his sunbed.

Then he moved onto the reason for the 'event' which was to celebrate a wonderful success story. And his part in it.

I kept glancing at our Blue Sky social worker who'd showed up to support us.

She kept shooting a knowing glance back at me while the bloke was going on about his success.

It ended.

The child had become officially our permament placement. Nothing else changed. Not the allowance, not nothing.

Our BS social worker joined the child and I for ice cream.

While the child was in the bathroom she said this;

"Social work is hard. Social Services deal with one nightmare after another, not to mention internal battles about funding and staffing. He only wanted his department to feel good about their work, and he needed to feel good about himself."

And another penny dropped for me…

Our foster child; we'd helped the child along the way.

And that had helped the HEAD of Social Services along the way too.

Ain't fostering grand!