FOSTERING AND TRANSITIONING

 Our transitioning foster child is discreetly bringing transitioning friends home to our house at weekends.

By 'discreetly',  I mean he makes no big deal of it.

He says "Is it okay if Amber and Daniel come over to chill?"

He gives no background. I ask no questions.

I kinda know what this is a bit about, thanks to an experience of about 30 years ago.

I had an old ex-colleague, a bloke, who contacted me out of the blue and said:

"Hi. It's Chris, remember me?"

I did. He said;

"I wonder if I could come and see you and bring the kids. Remember Tom and Kirstie?

I said sure thing.

Then he said this;

"Only…I've finally found who I am and my name is now Christine."

Okay…cool.

At this moment in time our children were aged 10 and 8.

We agreed, of course.

Christine arrived and walked up our front path. I remembered Christine as Chris, a 6 foot man of great kindness around the workplace. Maybe the most caring person I've ever worked with.

Ten years on she's coming up our garden path in a floral dress, hair done, make-up and heels.

We all gathered around the kitchen table, namely myself, Christine, her two children Tom and Katy, and our two kids.

It went fine. Although there were moments when Christine's kids referred to Christine, in her flowing summer dress as "Dad" that I sensed some intrigue in my own two children.

No problem.

Then Christine laid it on the line. She said;

"I've been advised to meet as many people from my past as I can who will understand and support me."

Which we did. Chris/Christine was one of the best people I've ever met.

Now, there's no point things happening around one in life and not growing from them. So, I learned.

Our transitioning foster child is bringing friends home to us because they know we understand and care. We support them in their quest for peace and happiness, and don't get judgy. We tell them, by implication, that what they're doing is ok.

I have to say; they push no boundaries, are gentle, kind and respectful; beautiful kids.

Hope they find peace and happiness.

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P.S.

Christine passed away a few years ago, her son Tom contacted me by phone to inform me, and he and I had a chat about Christine's memory.

He told me that his dad had been a big Labour activist up north in Tony Blair's constituency, and that during the early stages of Christine's transitioning the Prime Minister invited George W Bush to visit the UK. Part of the visit was to Blair's constituency. The comittee decided that Christine was a figurehead for diversity, social equality, and progress. So they voted Christine to be George W Bush's escort around the area.

Tom said he will never forget the charm and kindness that President Bush lavished on Christine. He wasn't thrown for a moment going arm in arm with her, and passed the day in respectful chit-chat as if there was nothing unusual.

Which is how we play this transitioning thing, I say.