OVERWHELMED

 Every newly arriving foster child is full of surprises.

When a mum gives birth to her own baby that baby is in many ways starting from scratch. Yes they may have the mother's eyes and the father's nose, but up to the moment of the start of their birth they're largely untouched by the world.

Not so with a new fostering placement.

As foster parents we're given as much information in advance as possible, sometimes a lot, sometimes not so much. If the child wasn't known to social services prior to being removed the child's background is bound to be sketchy.

The minute the placement begins, the second the child arrives, the process of unearthing and understanding what they've been through begins. Our latest arrival, a young mother and her 3 month-old baby have been here for nearly three weeks.

Already I could write a book.

Infuriatingly I can't share the lions share with you as her privacy is paramount. But I can paint a few broad brushstrokes.

During the first couple of weeks we foster parents help the parent with some of the basic parenting tasks, to help the pair of them settle in. But a large part of the job is preparing the parent to do the parenting solo. Our parent - mum - now changes (almost) all the nappies and prepares all the feeds to supplement her breast-feeding. We drove her across the county to have contact with her mum and stepdad, but that deal is set to change; mum and baby to make her own arrangements to meet her family.

Mum increasingly cooks evening meals for herself, is set to shop herself for groceries, nappies, baby clothes - everything.

So that's the practical stuff under control.

The other bit is just as important, and much harder to manage.

The emotional stuff.

Imagine; you're 15 years old, you meet a boy via social media.

You're pregnant. The boy disappears from ine internet.

Social services get wind and decide your real family aren't up to supporting you as a young mum, and that the baby might be at risk.

Ahead of the birth you're taken to a town 100 miles from your home and placed with a foster carer you don't much care for.

Social services get wind all is not well and do what so many local authorioties do when the chips are down; they call in Blue Sky.

Now the poor girl and her baby are driven 50 miles across the county again.

This time to us.

She's giving it her best shot, this young mum.

But.

A couple of evenings ago I noticed activity on the baby monitor I use for when they are in her room together. The baby was awake, and while not unhappy, making noises he hoped would bring his mum to him.

I knocked on the door and went in.

The young mum was on her bed wrapped tightly in the woolen blanket she'd brought with her from home. Right over her head it was. 

Overwhelmed.

It was the second time it's happened.

I manged to raise her resolve and remind her that her baby needed her.

To her credit she pulled herself together and did a great job.

So, yeah…I can teach her to sing nursery rhymes and make a bottle with one hand. 

How do I teach a kid not to let everything get to them when, in her case, everything is so huge?

As the man on the radio used to say;

"Answers on a postcard please…"