We have a family friend who used to be a police officer.
He left the force after 20 years, said he noticed the job was "starting to get to him".
I guessed what he meant but asked him anyway.
"Well," he replied, "When you spend much of every working day in the company of people who are up to no good, you can end up suspecting everybody is somewhere between dodgy and downright crooked. Which is not good for the soul."
I told him that if he'd had a Blue Sky social worker at his back he'd probably have gone the distance.
What I'm on about is this;
The poor dear children who come into our homes to be fostered have sackfuls of troubles packed up in their old kit bag, and one of our jobs is to help them with the load.
There's no way you can do it without getting involved with their story.
"Centring" it's sometimes called. Where someone puts themselves in the other person's shoes.
I'm getting to understand the wheres' and whyfors' of the young mother who's been with us now a couple of weeks, mothering her 3 month-old baby.
To do the job well I need to learn everything available about her. The best source of that information is the girl herself, but I have to be skilfull to avoid her feeling interrogated.
It will be useful to me to know if she REALLY, REALLY wanted the baby. She's not old enough to leave school yet, but finds herself being a (very) young mum.
I say 'useful', I really mean 'crucial', because in a while, probably a month or two, a court will sit to decide the baby's future; or, to be precise, whether the mum can keep her baby or for the baby to be removed and probably put up for adoption. And my observations, recorded every day and fact-checked by my Blue Sky social worker, will be the basis for the court's decision.
So, no pressure there then.
After a number of chit-chats with the young mum I learned something that knocked the wind out of me.
The girl's mother has had nine children, but is only aged early thirties, and ...
…the first baby she had was when she was as young an age as the girl who is now in our care.
The girl was her mother's first daughter (there had been four boys born earlier).
As you'd imagine, I was struck by this revelation, and the possible insight it offered.
I recorded it, without any opinion or analysis.
I'm confident the many other professionals working on the case had already discovered the same information, but probably not from the mouth of the girl it most drastically affected.
My discovery was important because I saw in her expression as she confided in me, that what she may have decided was to give her mother affirmation for a life-choice the girl's mother might have expressed regret about.
Obviously, I might be wide of the mark. Also; with Parent and Child your records are restricted to the facts. My extrapolations aren't required. I have to stick to hard evidence.
But. Here's the thing…
It got me down.
Not a lot, but enough.
I began to suspect that maybe the forces that are striving to make the world a bit better are losing to the mysterious forces that either don't want that, or don't care about anything. And they're getting the upper hand.
I found myself mentally rehearsing asking the girls mother "Why? Why do you keep having so many children, some of whom follow you off the rails?"
Of course I never would, but it was eating me.
Cue my Blue Sky social worker on the doorstep, all warm smiles and positivity.
She put me right in a heartbeat.
The world isn't full of people who don't (or can't) care. Every day, in lots of little ways, the folk who want to kiss the planet better are winning.
And when she left I was right as rain.
You need back-up in fostering, because you do a job surrounded by lots of other people's bad decisions, so you need a shot in the arm from time to time.
Oh, and by the by, my friend who used to be a police officer?
He works at his local Youth Club, as a volunteer councillor.
See, even though he didn't have quite enough back-up from the force, his heart escaped unscathed.
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