WEIRD HARMONY

 Every day in fostering is different.

Okay; every day in ordinary parenting is also different.

But as someone who's done (doing) both, I'm going to pull rank on ordinary parents and lay it on the line.

Fostering is parenting with the gloves off (not fisticuffs obs.) Fostering calls for all-out concentration and effort, all-round awareness, devotion to helping the child build a future.

And a zillion other things.

We have a Parent and Child placement at the moment. The mother is only sixteen; younger than one of our other foster children.  At first we were on alert in case there was any jealousy or competitiveness.

From day one there was a wariness, with our long-term foster child being on edge that someone was eating some of their space. We monitored and helped them adjust and respect each other's boundaries.

Our long-term foster child currently likes to eat on a tray on their lap in the comfort and security of their own space - a room complete with a bedroom, study area and half bath. 

I talked long and hard with our Blue Sky Social Worker about whether we should encourage the child to join us at the table. We spotted the child's choice for what it was; a push for independence. So it got the green light.

One evening the young mother spooned herself some spaghetti boll at the dinner table and said "Why doesn't whassname eat with everyone else?"

We explained, while respecting the child's right to their story. Being diplomatic about what the child had been through and how come, for the child, being free from other adults had its appeal.

Guess what?

The young mum got it in one. Why? Because it's where she wants to get too. 

In fostering the children who come into one's care often transfer some of the bad qualities of their birth parents onto their foster parents. It's an issue, but not a problemt for us, we're trained and supported. 

So.

Suddenly we had two young people who might have been at odds... and they're the opposite. They're both sharing the same goal; striving to be free.

They began chatting (on text, but both often showed us the texts) about getting out there. 

The topics; 

How to get a driving licence.

How to apply for supervised lodgings.

How to load the dishwasher.

Why the man two doors down is an a**hole.

How to avoid the miserable bus driver whose idea of fun is making kids feel awkward.

Oh sure, eldest foster child moans when woken at 3.00am by a baby crying. And there are tussles about who own what in the fridge.

But.

On the whole a weird harmony.

Job done.

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EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY...

 It's been a long time since we had a baby in the house, day in day out.

Yes the grandchildren stay a night here and a weekend there, but doing a Parent and Child fostering placement brings it all back.

I think one of the remarkable things I'd forgotten is how much they can develop in the shortest period of time. I can go out for a morning and when I come back the baby has grown so much and in so many ways. He was a few weeks old when he arrived, a bundle of vulnerability who could do nothing much for himself. He's nearly nine months now and gets bigger and bolder and more competent with every passing hour.

He wants to grow, he yearns to walk and talk - he's not quite there with either yet - but he makes plenty of noise which is talking in his book. He can crawl at greyhound pace and keeps trying to stand upright without hanging onto anything.

He smiles in all the right places.

But there's more; his mum is still only sixteen, and we've noticed that she too is maturing with almost every day, it's a huge joy to witness.

The other evening the baby was sounding distressed. Baby and his mum were in their bedroom but he was sounding unhappy. I went up to support. The mum said;

"I think the problem might be his bottle of milk"

I replied "Oh, wonder why?"

"Well" replied mum "It's straight out of the fridge. In the day he's fine with cool milk, but now it's getting dark before his bedtime I think he might want it warmed"

This is good stuff. It's a requirement to keep bottles of baby milk in the fridge for obvious reasons, and there are procedures for warming it (no microwaving - running the bottle under warm water is good). But if the baby is happy with milk stright from the fridge it means the baby's hunger can be satisfied all the sooner.

We ran the bottle under a warm tap for 5 minues to bring it up to body temperature and…bingo!

The big deal here is that one of our jobs as foster parents to this Parent and Child is to support the mother in learning for herself how parenting works. And a large part of that is dealing with a child's ever-changing ways. 

The mother won't always have someone on hand to advise, so we advise as little as we can, sometimes telling her what her options are and giving her space to think it out, whatever the challenge is.

And we're constantly finding new ways to do that.

The baby is growing with every hour and so is his mum.

And so are we!

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