WEIRD HARMONY

 Every day in fostering is different.

Okay; every day in ordinary parenting is also different.

But as someone who's done (doing) both, I'm going to pull rank on ordinary parents and lay it on the line.

Fostering is parenting with the gloves off (not fisticuffs obs.) Fostering calls for all-out concentration and effort, all-round awareness, devotion to helping the child build a future.

And a zillion other things.

We have a Parent and Child placement at the moment. The mother is only sixteen; younger than one of our other foster children.  At first we were on alert in case there was any jealousy or competitiveness.

From day one there was a wariness, with our long-term foster child being on edge that someone was eating some of their space. We monitored and helped them adjust and respect each other's boundaries.

Our long-term foster child currently likes to eat on a tray on their lap in the comfort and security of their own space - a room complete with a bedroom, study area and half bath. 

I talked long and hard with our Blue Sky Social Worker about whether we should encourage the child to join us at the table. We spotted the child's choice for what it was; a push for independence. So it got the green light.

One evening the young mother spooned herself some spaghetti boll at the dinner table and said "Why doesn't whassname eat with everyone else?"

We explained, while respecting the child's right to their story. Being diplomatic about what the child had been through and how come, for the child, being free from other adults had its appeal.

Guess what?

The young mum got it in one. Why? Because it's where she wants to get too. 

In fostering the children who come into one's care often transfer some of the bad qualities of their birth parents onto their foster parents. It's an issue, but not a problemt for us, we're trained and supported. 

So.

Suddenly we had two young people who might have been at odds... and they're the opposite. They're both sharing the same goal; striving to be free.

They began chatting (on text, but both often showed us the texts) about getting out there. 

The topics; 

How to get a driving licence.

How to apply for supervised lodgings.

How to load the dishwasher.

Why the man two doors down is an a**hole.

How to avoid the miserable bus driver whose idea of fun is making kids feel awkward.

Oh sure, eldest foster child moans when woken at 3.00am by a baby crying. And there are tussles about who own what in the fridge.

But.

On the whole a weird harmony.

Job done.