As everyone who has ever fostered quicky learns, the business of "territory" around the house renews itself with each and every new child.
Each new child is allocated their own bedroom, that's a given. Our job is to arrange the bedroom so that the child sees it as their arbour. We try to match the child with the bedroom furnishings. We have neutral bedding awaiting, neither pink nor blue (it matters to many) and not Whinnie-the-Pooh in case the child believes themselves to be an adult. The storage places (chest of drawers, maybe a wardrobe) are empty and dust-free. There's a bedside light at a gentle wattage in case they need the light on to go to sleep.
And so on.
However…what about the remainder of one's home?
Ah. Here's where agile thinking is called for.
I seem to remember the poet Lemn Sissay writing how he'd been made to leave his foster home because his parents (devout Christians - I mention it because I believe Lemn did) discovered he'd taken a biscuit without asking (which he knew would be refused).
Territory.
We have to try to get it alright, and by "alright" I mean alright for all in the home, but most of all alright for the child. The reason I say most of alright for the child is because we household family know where everything is and who "owns" what and where.
The new foster child has a lot to learn, and it's our job to help them with it.
Take our two new arrivals. Baby is 6 months old, but he still has his territory. Mainly a crib/cot, a high chair and a play space.
Mum is a different kettle of fish.
She's 16. Is she a child or an adult? The answer is she flip-flops between the two.
She has her own bedroom which we've encouraged her to colonise to her needs and tastes, and by golly has she gone for broke. She even grazed our garage and found a storage cupboard in good nick which she installed to take more stuff.
She has the blinds of her choice, her rug to hide our carpet, her pictures in place of our prints.
It's the remainder of the house we have to be on our toes.
We have to tolerate her need to territorialise.
What does this mean?
In the case of this young mother, she puts stuff belonging to her and her baby in every bit of the house.
Boxes of baby things. Baskets of laundry. Tie-ups of used nappies. Carry-ons of snacks. Piles of unidentifiables.
She has placed them, unbeknown to her, in every corner of the downstairs.
Upstairs, the bathroom is now consumed by baby-bathtime toys and props.
Our Blue Sky social worker wanted to know all about this when she showed for her weekly support visit last Friday.
She said it was healthy because it signalled the young mother wanted to be part of our household.
Obs the SW was correct, and as usual, insightful and helpful.
Thus for the last few days where before I've cursed there'd been nowhere to put a saucepan in the kitchen or a cup of tea in the living room..now I view this inconvenience as a tiny sacrifice in the wider, bigger goal of helping the girl and her baby grow and become OK.
Phew, though...
But only in fosterting
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