Being the foster mum to a foster mum and her baby is like no other type of fostering. My prority at all times must be; the wellbing of the baby. Whether he's asleep or awake I must always be on guard, so to speak, to ensure he's sleeping correctly, being fed and hydrated correctly, all his needs are being met (this involves stuff such as knowing which cry means "I need a new nappy" from "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired out")
However, keeping the baby safe from harm is pretty straightforward compared to fostering the baby's mother.
In our current case, the mother is being officially fostered; she was removed from her family home because social services weren't satisfied about the help the young mother might get from the mother's own mother, who would have been her main support. The professionals also thought there was a risk to the wellbeing of the young mother from a homelife which is best described as "chaotic".
We've been asked to foster the mother and her baby, the plan being that if and when the young mother is ready to live independently she will leave our home and go into some form of supervised residency.
Did I mention she's only just turned 16yrs.
The list of things that she has to show she can do unaided is lengthy. It includes activities such as finding a dentist and making an appointment, shopping and cooking, diagnosing whether her baby son needs taking to the doctor or waiting to see if his nose stops running by itself.
Teaching people how best to do things is best summed up by something one of my old schoolmasters taught about the art of teaching, he said;
"I hear it and I forget it. I see it and I know it. I do it and I understand it."
And we've been advised not to tell the young mother what to do so much as to do it ourselves with the baby and have her watch. With luck she'll learn and put whatever she's learned into practice next time it's needed - and understand why it's the best thing.
For example, she used to place the baby in his high chair while she sterilised his bottles. The high chair was kept on the far side of the kitchen table so she was at the sink about 15 feet away. The baby had no toys to hand, no piece of rusk to nibble at, and felt lonely and vulnerable. He would start to grizzle. So I would wheel his chair across to be beside his mum, and give him something to play with and some cut-up bits of soft banana. He stopped grizzling instantly. But. It took several goes befofe the penny dropped with the mum, and we were left frustrated, not to mention a bit angsty, like one gets when a baby's unhappy because its needs aren't being met. After she'd taught herself to keep her connection with the baby wherever possible and keep him occupied with play and food, all was well. She now applies the maxim across the board.
On a grander scale, the mother's social worker wishes the young mum to be able to visit her family for Contact under her own steam. This calls for catching a bus from our house to the raileway station, then taking the right train. All by herself with her baby.
We had a dummy run two days ago. I accompanied her on the bus, and on the train. We got off three stops up the line at a town with some nice shops, we had a mooch then returned home.
Then; this:
Yesterday she announced that she was going to do the same trip again but this time…ON HER OWN!
Yikes with knobs on!
However; it worked. She let us track her on her phone so we knew where she was and could get to her in our car if she got lost or felt overwhelmed. She didn't. She left home and came back grinning as proud as punch. Loaded with shopping too.
Actually her acquivitisness is the next thing on our list of things to help her with. She gets her benefits paid into the account, she's never had money before and spends all day (and all her money) in charity shops (at least it goes to a good cause) or on Amazon/MarketPlace etc (not such a good cause).
That can wait a while, we should continue enjoying the victory of her becoming a fully fledged public transport user.
In fostering you have to stay alert for successes no matter how mundane...
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