All parenting is fraught with endless fears and trepidations.It's not until you look back that you can separate the many joys from the many mini-traumas that beset our most important role in life, namely trying to be a good parent.If you can do it halfway well with your own children you can pull it off for other people's children. BTW, you don't need to have had children of your own to foster...
Thursday, December 28, 2023
Monday, December 18, 2023
FAST FOOD JUST GETS BETTER
The Covid pandemic was a challenge to all, and presented fostering with some unique issues.It seemed obvious at the time that Covid would be followed by a pandemic of mental health problems, and sadly that does seem to be happening, with more and more children needing a foster home. And I'm not pretending Covid is over, it's going on still in so many ways, as is the spread of anxieties...
Thursday, December 14, 2023
CHAOS
I'm in danger of losing count of the number of social workers we've had guiding and supporting us in our fostering. Not because they come and go, but because I've been fostering longer than I care to remember, and social workers, like everybody else, move on, move up or sideways, pause to start a family.They've almost all been brilliant, we had one way back who wasn't quite the ticket. She was...
Monday, December 11, 2023
THE ONLY THING THAT NEVER CHANGES IS THAT EVERYTHING CHANGES
Dear me, you're always learning in fostering.My go-to opening line when I get asked to speak to would-be foster carers is; "I've been fostering for 30 years. And I'm going to stick at it until I get it right."New stuff is taxing.But if it's new and good… y'gotta do the work.Sounds like I'm on about something humungous? Well it is... and it isn't.Every single thing we fostering folk do for the...
Saturday, December 09, 2023
ALERT TO THE POSITIVES
So, this happened, one night a couple of days ago.In fostering one's sleeping is determined not a little by what sort of a household one has at any given time.We had a teenager for a whole summer once, a lovely lad, who simply couldn't sleep at night. He was perfectly at ease with staying awake down in our living room. He was ultra considerate, never woke us, tidied the room up as dawn began...
Saturday, December 02, 2023
NEVER A DULL MOMENT
Chris came to us in the middle of the night.We'd agreed to be emergency carers at the time. We're not on the list of emergency carers right now partly as we used up our last spare bedroom with a 'normal' placement, 'normal' meaning a child who was set to stay with us for a good while.People don't realise the degree of flexibility a fostering family can have. Each fostering family is unique,...
Friday, November 24, 2023
LITTLE SHARDS OF BRITTLE
Talking about fostering to non-fostering folk, I always get the impression they assume that fostering is one long warm glow. They also acknowledge that it "must be hard at times", often said as a precursor to "I couldn't do it".Understandably, they're off the mark in most respects.For one; if you're fostering properly, it's "hard" all the time, not merely "at times". By "hard" I mean non-stop....
Thursday, November 16, 2023
NO FIXED ABODE
Meeting the birth parents of children who come into our care is always valuable. We fostering folk learn a great deal about the job in hand; it helps us make better day-to-day decisions about our care of the youngster.Yesterday was a revelation.I met for the first time the father of our middle foster child. The child has been with us for several months, but this was his first Contact with...
Saturday, November 11, 2023
THE WOMAN IN THE ONE STOP
So I was walking back from our local One Stop with a loaf of best of both and a tin of beans when I became aware that the woman who'd been behind me in the queue was coming up behind me on the pavement.I'm not a fast walker.I moved to one side of the pavement to let her pass, aware that there'd be that awkward moment when we'd be two-abreast and might feel the need to say something like; "It's...
Thursday, November 02, 2023
KEEPING UP
People coming into fostering for the first time sometimes worry that they don't know enough.Sure, we fostering folk benefit from training. Blue Sky arrange that.But I often find myself reminding new Carers; you already know more than you might realise.Think about it. So; you're going to be looking after someone's else's child. A prospect that might seem a bit daunting but never forget that...
Monday, September 25, 2023
TRIUMPH OF HOPE OVER EXPECTATION
I have a former foster child who stays in touch via Facebook.It's her decision, she's an adult now, I've mentioned it to Blue Sky.It's not something I generally do; staying in touch. The way I see it the whole point of fostering is to help the child get back to their own family and being in touch with their foster home could mess things up. The natural parents could understandably get het up about...
Wednesday, September 20, 2023
BOB DYLAN WAS RIGHT
The times, they are a changing. Changing fast. Faster than ever before?Maybe. Maybe not.Old lag Bertrand Russell wrote over a hundred years ago:"The average scullery maid now expects more excitment over one weekend than her grandmother sought in her whole lifetime."But whether or not it's a fact, it feels as though things nowadays are changing faster than ever.What got me thinking was this. I remembered...
Wednesday, September 13, 2023
INDEPENDENCE DAY
Apologies for my brief abscence; computer problem over, fingers crossed.I suppose I could tax you with the details of the gradual decline of a laptop that had become a trusted friend. She knew me better than I did in some ways; she'd learned to anticipate my next move. Or so it seemed.Then, just like so many poor people in our world today, she started being a bit slow, then a bit unpredictable,...
Tuesday, September 12, 2023
Monday, August 28, 2023
NOTHING ROUTINE ABOUT ROUTINES
Routines.I've learned down the years how vital it is for people to have routines.I've got them coming out of my ears, and they all do me the power of good.First thing every morning; I wake up, remember who I am and what day it is. Then I have a listen to make sure I'm first one awake. Then I slide back the duvet and squirm diagonally so my legs are sticking out, then sit up quietly. This is...
Saturday, August 19, 2023
SPOIL 'EM? YOU BET
A recent comment from "L" set me thinking. L is singing the praises of McDs and how they can be a magic wand in fostering.So true.I found myself reflecting; foster carers have a mysterious image in the eyes of non-foster carers. Many are not sure what to make of us.Are we a) some kind of angels on earth? super-parents? earth mothers and fathers with hearts as big as the great outdoors?Or b)...