FEEDING THEM

 We foster parents are expected to provide our foster kids with their "Basic Needs".

The"Basic Needs" as set out by a revered expert called Maslow.

The most basic of basic needs - the bottom layer of the heirarchy Maslow says - are; food, water, warmth and rest.

After providing those we provide the next layer; security and safety. And so it goes up to the top of the heirarchy of needs. The top layer is where we help the child achieve "self-actualisation", meaning that they fulfill their potential.

But to start, we provide the most basic needs.

And it's always chimed with my experience that a foster child's most basic need is food.

Angelo came to stay with us a couple of summer's ago, he was aged 10. He looked as though he might have been a happily chubby child, he had a face that wanted to be pleasantly round, but he was haggard, drawn in at the cheek bones. One of the first things we did was have his eyes tested and he ended up with spectacles. His teeth weren't great either, which the dentician put down to poor diet.

As the days became weeks we slowly unearthed how appalling his diet had been.

He had possibly never eaten a cooked meal, at least not at home.

He'd not had many school meals either as he'd hardly ever attended school. His mother didn't want teachers to spot that all was not well at home. It's not an uncommon thing.

Angelo had lived off larder stand-bys; biscuits, crisps and crackers. Sometimes "sharing" the end of a burger bun or a half-eaten KFC wing being gnawed on by one of the adults. I pictured him squatting at the foot of a gobbling grown-up, salivating like a puppy in the hope of a treat.

I learned years ago the absolute importance of making sure that certain foster children learn that in their foster home there's ALWAYS enough food, and that they'll be well fed.

A few foster children that have come our way needed to have their eating habits adjusted downwards, that's a blog for another day. Not Angelo.

I told Angelo from day one that the bowl of fruit in his bedroom was his to eat as he chose. I told him we ate breakfast on the go in the morning and showed him that there'd be sliced bread laid out for toast with margerine and peanut butter. There'd also be a box of cereal and milk, easy on the sugar please, just the one level teaspoon.

He would take a packed lunch to school, and was allowed a banana, or sometimes a bag of crisps, when he got home to hold him until tea-time. Tea was served at the table with everyone allowed to load up their plates as they wished from the bowls of food laid out.

Many things about fostering make you happy; Angelo's "Wo!" at the sight of a tub of spaghetti and another tub of sauce, a plate of garlic bread, a bowl of grated parmesan and a salad (lettuce tomato cucumber) still lives with me.

Angelo spent the whole summer with us, we had regular updates that his mother - with whom he had contact every week - was "sorting herself out".

Then this happened.

Angelo came to me in the kitchen and said; "Would it be okay if I cooked for myself from now on?"

What?!

Of course I didn't go "What?!", I said something like "Sure. You might need a bit of help at first."

He replied "I can make my own toast already."

I talked it over with our ever-fantastic Blue Sky Social Worker, who shone some light.  I told her I felt a bit miffed, but she told me to take it as a compliment. She said that Angelo had seen the beauty of a kitchen being used properly and wanted a piece of it. Also; he wanted to know that if he found himself fending for himself, he could manage. His request was all about independence.

Can you imagine? At age 10? To fear you might be all alone?

So. Project "Chef Angelo" began.

Safety first; no frying or boiling saucepans. Plus me at his side throughout. Angelo learned how to make beans on toast using the micro, but that wasn't enough for him.

Next, he covered a cup of instant noodles with hot water from the kettle.

He was tall for his age, and well co-ordinated. So, under my scrupulous supervision he cooked some pasta and heated some Dolmio.

He asked if he could eat privately in his room, which was clearly another signal that he was looking forward to being independent. And that FOOD was the starting point for his journey into freedom.

Angelo's bid to become the next Jamie Oliver fizzled out after about 3 weeks. He re-joined us for family meals.

But in that time he'd learned a few basics about cooking and providing his own food.

And Food is number one on Maslow's heirarchy of needs.

He'd also begun his journey towards fulfilling his potenital, which is the ultimate need on the heirarchy.

So; all bases covered.

He returned to his mother after 5 months with us, and I just hope, with his new-found confidence, he put himself in charge of catering…

Even better, that he's fulfilling his potential.