Just done a useful Blue Sky training session on managing allegations.
Until Covid, training sessions would be held at one of Blue Sky's offices, and that still goes on. Being in a room with fellow fostering folk can be really enjoyable, if you're a people watcher.
Which I am.
Obviously I don't allow my curiosity about the other people in the room to get in the way of the learning.
And managing allegations is such an important topic, you want to stay focussed.
But. Sometimes the leader asks us to give a brief description of ourselves. I often start with my staple; "My name is ****. I've been in fostering for thirty years, and I'm determined to stick at it until I get it right…"
Never gets a laugh, but a few wry smiles.
Then you get to hear;
"My name is Andy, I was eleven years a soldier…"
"I'm Alice, I'm what they call a home-maker, our youngest left for University a few years ago and we had enough spare bedrooms, and I'd always fancied fostering…wish I'd done it sooner..."
"My name is Denise, I used to be a secretary at a publishing firm, I've never had any children of my own, but I and my partner kept on at each other about fostering…so one day..."
"Hi, I'm Gary. I used to be a professional footballer back when you could earn more as a milkman, so when I had to retire with a dodgy knee…"
"I'm Emma, I was NHS, but ended up burned out. After I took stock I wanted to be my own boss, but doing something useful and with decent support…"
"My name is Mohammed, we came here six years ago. I work from home in IT. My wife is at home today because one of our foster children is off school unwell…"
All of the above are true, I've changed the names. The point is; you get all walks of life in fostering.
Sometimes the leader asks us to tell us about our current or most recent placement.
My antenna goes into overdrive;
"We've got a 15 year-old girl whose father's doing ten years..."
"We've got three siblings whose parents have gone to live in a commune somewhere in Shropshire..."
"We've got a parent and child. The parent's had to be taught nursery rhymes to sing to the child because she was never sung any when she was little…"
All true. I could write a book.
But back to the training session on managing allegations.
The 'allegations' are things your foster child may say you've done unfairly - in their view - or complaints that the parents of your foster child might make.
It's rare, but important we know about the procedures and safety nets in place to support and protect us.
It sounds unsettling, but Blue Sky always get to grips with any allegations that are made and that's massively re-assuring. Mind, their professionalism means they ask fair questions aimed at establishing the true picture.
They care about the child, first and foremost - in fostering the child is paramount. The wellbeing of their foster carer comes a close second. Nobody's perfect, everyone accepts that, and fostering is challenging. Blue Sky are fastidious in looking after all parties if allegations ocurr, and a key take-away from training sessions is that we foster parents have a powerful bank of talented professionals at our back to sort things out. They train us to keep ourselves safe as well as keep our kids safe.
It was my fifth or sixth training session on managing allegations; the messages were pretty much as ever. But one thing was different.
It was a Zoom session.
Brilliant.
Besides avoiding an hour 's drive to get there, I could sit in my kitchen and look at other foster parents' homes.
Pure noseyness I know. But I justify it by saying it gives me additional background to what they tell us about themselves and their current kids.
I get curious about the decor and the wallpaper. Is that a Star Trek poster? Is that a crystal punch bowl on the sideboard? Who has a sofa in their kitchen? Oh wait, it's a kitchen/diner/sitting room with a telly in the corner, useful in fostering.
When the session ended the leader thanked everybody and one by one people left.
In the end it was just me, two other carers and the leader, shooting the breeze.
I don't say much at these things, I'm more interested in what other people have to say.
The leader said to me "Hello ****. You're sitting there listening quietly, is there anything you want to say?"
I said; "Yes".
See, one of the two carers still online was a man called Terry. At his left shoulder was a huge fishtank, all lit up and teeming with darting fish. I said "Terry, we've got a goldfish. Can you give them anything to eat other than the dry fishfood?"
Terry was made up. People love talking about something they know something about to someone who doesn't know as much as they do.
"Oh yes!" he replied, with a big smile. "Peas. They love peas. About twenty at a time. You have to microwave them for thirty seconds out of the freezer, then squeeze them out of the shell - they can't digest the shell - then crush them into a paste and drop them in."
Me: "What about baked beans?"
Terry; "They don't seem to like them so much."
Me: "Maybe it's the sauce?"
Terry: "Don't think so, I rinsed all that off before I crushed them…"
This person, Terry, knows what caring is. Bet he's a fantastic foster dad.
I thanked, him, the leader thanked him, and Jetski (our goldfish) thanks him. She now gets peas twice a week.
Fostering.
If you haven't yet; try it.
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